Forgive me for writing the seemingly obvious, however to some this isn’t as obvious as it should be. As a society, we are demanding that children behave and look like adults from the approximate age of three. If a small child acts out in public, we’re so shamefully embarrassed- and frantically try to cover up or immediately resolve the issue. If a child acts purely childish in class- labels and conditions are promptly given and immediate help is needed. There is also no longer distinction between an adult wardrobe and a child’s – from the straight skirts to the trendy tops.
We demand perfection and maturity from a completely inappropriate age, and we then scratch our heads why our teenagers and adults seem to act like children so often. To top it all off, I’ve heard that schools are placing stringencies on accessory colors- such as shoes and tights- from kindergarten age- limiting colors to blue, black and gray. In my days, those were adult colors, and were not available or appropriate for children. I wore pink, green, florals, purple and any other colors available- and I was tzniusdig. Better yet, when I became of age to have to adhere to proper tsnius standards, I was fine with limiting my colors and my styled- I was proud to look like an adult.
Today, teenagers look like oversized children- with huge bows and flowers in their hair, when not dressed in uniform- many are wearing shocking colors, and their nagging, irresponsible behaviors are now innapropriate. It’s not excusable, but I get it. They’re now making up for lost childhood- and just pray they get it out of their system before real adulthood.
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very well said. good point.
wow. is this why my teenager wants a cellphone? is it because i didnt let him have one when he was 3?
Ur right I think it’s retarted when you so 14 year olds wearing colorful striped socks they prob wore black gray or blue when they were little and now the inner childhood is coming out.
Agreed. We’ve said the same thing for quite sometime.
i agree completely. but the problem is the shcools who set this trend.
well said and its not only girls, its boys too. they have to wear white shirts from bar mitzva and on. there was never such a thing when i was growing up. in high school the most we had to do was wear button down shirts but not white (and that was south fallsburg yeshiva) i’m not sure were it comes from maybe someone in chinuch can chime in and explain this madness
This explains why so many adult women are wearing skirts that don’t cover their knees. They are making up for lost childhood – so they are wearing children’s sizes, and naturally children’s sizes won’t cover an adult’s knees.
Thanks for the insight!
Well said. Someone has to figure out a real solution. I was thinking that maybe we should have no school uniforms. Let the kids have a set of clothes that are tznius and comply with Halacha fully. Mothers will not want to spend on a second “out of school” supply of clothes. These kids will then wear the tznius clothes all the time. I am shocked by the way I see some girls dressed. I understand the need for uniforms so as not to cause clothing competition, but something has gone very wrong with the tznius in our community.
The schools limit the color of tights as to limit competition. Because the uniform limits competition it moves to area of socks, shoes, tights, hair accessories. To simplify things they choose a limited number of colors. Why criticize them.
Their is beauty and balance that is applicable in every senario and there are no rules to the game. Its all in how you present it. This letter is written from someones experiance and they create an oppinion around it. Every parent has their chalange.
Unfortunately it does not stop at teenagers. It gets carried on for some women into their thirties. Wearing childish styles and totally immature non tznius clothing. I feel really bad for them. Although you may have come up with part of the reason.
The article is an opinion written by someone with their own experience.
It is not law.
However- even in the article itslef there are a few questions to be asked.
In the first paragraph you mix external dress – usually decided upon by a parent (you decide the pre school as well) with behavior.
I will tell you a inside school secret. A child is labeled usually after the administration meets with the parent and realizes that the child’s behavior is reflective and and outsource of the home and parents. That is when labels are applied. Since there is no room or hope for home intervation and modification.
But the key to your whole article is actually in your second paragraph. you write-
“In my days, those were adult colors, and were not available or appropriate for children. I wore pink, green, florals, purple and any other colors available- and I was tzniusdig. Better yet, when I became of age to have to adhere to proper tsnius standards, I was fine with limiting my colors and my styled- I was proud to look like an adult.”
All is reflective of your experience. What you did as a child and what you appreciate as an adult.
Thank you for telling us all about yourself. But the world is filled with many different people.
I think there should be school clothes, such as a uniform, and then when your child comes home from school, they should be aloowed to wear play clothes, whatever you deem acceptable,
Part of the problem is everyone’s need to fit in. Let’s make tznius the “in” way to dress. Please stores, we want nice AND tzniusdik clothes. For short sleeve over long sleeve shell styles, I can go to my local outlets and do way better on the prices. Sell me something different than the non Jewish stores and I will gladly pay you for it.
I think the problem is honestly that everyone is looking over their shoulders at what their neighbor is wearing, what the newest style is.. Parents first and then that gets fed smoothly straight to the children. There seems to be no concept of individuality in today’s society. There’s halacha, which everyone has to be on the same page, and then there’s a whole beautiful individualistic system in which Hashem gives each person their own taste, their own creativity, their own beauty. When people blindly follow others, they trash that beautiful individual beauty they received right into the garbage of wasted beauty. If I may, I will be daring enough to say Hitler yimach shemo vzichrono had a plan to make everyone strip of their clothing, why? Because he knew that a person loses their dignity, loses their will, loses their humanity when stripped of their own beauty. No hair, because when everyone looks the same the world is chaos, the world is not the way it is supposed to be. Kids will never find their inner greatness if they are constantly taught to blend in. Adults are damaging future generations by creating a robotic mindless marathon of precious children with precious neshamos. It boils down to adults’ low self esteem, low brain usage, low thinking levels, low standards for themselves as Tzelem Elokim. Style, fashion… That is the Avoda Zara of this generation. We bow down to it, and Hashem gives us pain through things we bow down to..(Haman). Remember Ein Od Milvado. EIN! EIN! Rak Hashem! Have a beautiful day, thank u for allowing me to share my thoughts.
i love this article! even though i am guilty of dressing my young children like young adults, there is no way i can argue with this letter. thanx for the wake up call.
I work with teens, i listen to their issues, i hear what they say… what they say is that we are all full of hot air. We just want our kids to fit the box and after that who cares. You have to fit the mold of lkwd and if your different, you will be told that and feel like a bum and then just become one. NOT every kid is the same, they are all different, some want to wear a blue shirt and some want to act greasy and not shower for a week. Some think its cool to have a “chup” some think its geshmack to have huge payious. We have to accept them encourage them for who they are and not for what we want them to be. They will be who they want anyway to let them be it and at least be happy doing it.
so true and insightful.
All you have to do is move out of town, and these problems will vanish. You’ll still be Jewish, too!
My children are past their teens and I only buy kid’s clothes for my grandchildren. However, it bothers me very much to see what the styles have come to. My kids used to wear white tights and socks for Shabbos, now everyone wears black or grey! My girls wore full flarey skirts which looked very flattering. Now the little girls wear straight dresses, which to me have no taste whatsoever. Of course they wore every color of the rainbow, which has become passe. Even I used to wear color, now I only wear black because everyone else is, and I don’t want to stand out. I don’t think wearing a tsniusdik dress with color is less tsniusdik than black. I do think though that slinky skirts, pencil skirts, tight T shirts, sheer stockings, bare legs snoods exposing an inch of hair etc. are definitely not tsniusdik. I would like to see frilly floral, feminine clothes come back into style, for kids especially.
please stop blaming the schools for everything.
It’s true that they spend lots of time there – but it’s the parents who are buying and/or approving the “huge bows in teenagers hair” and it’s the parents who are the ones who are supposed to say enough when necessary…the burden of chinuch is on the parents – so when and if there is a problem please don’t shift the blame and point fingers because you are feeling guilty or inadequate.
schools make rules about colors etc. because while in a uniform and in a school setting a certain atmosphere is in place and the setting they set is a serious one – not one for exploring your inner child!!!
shabbosim and sundays are there for colors which the parents should insure are explored while a child is a child!!! your infants through teens dont need to match you!!!! your little ones could and should wear sun dresses of all colors and as they mature THEY should feel a certain sensitivity to loud attreactive colors.
So please keep evrything in perspective and STOP please stop blaming others for your own mistakes.
Move out of town? Problems will vanish? Are you serious? I’m not so sure that’s true. This issue can be going on in other towns and cities. Moving is not the answer. The answer I believe is to do your best as a parent to raise good children who will grow into responsible adults. And who will move on to raise their own children. People are human. We try to do what we can and that’s all we can do.
Seems to be that School is the cause of all our problems lets just obolish this crazy thing called school!
I appologize, but you have it all wrong. Our community is a community of modesty. And we’ve just elevated the level in this generation. The reason why teens dress as they do is because they are teens. Teenagers were always rebellious and have an innate desire to be cool, trendy different. Its a stage that they’ll eventually grow out of.as for the adults feeding not tznius, that’s just a lake of yirei shomayim and many times the will of the husbands. But certainly doesn’t shtem from childhood suppression
Shkoyach dr Laura. You mamish speak tzum zach. Litoeles harabim, please post more of you dayis. The oilam needs a clear thought out manig like yourself who is a bucky in this sugya to come foward and shlep us out of this mativ.
i don’t know why you didn’t post my post before it was the only one useful and i mean it with my full heart
KIDS SHOULD ACT LIKE KIDS THRES A REASON YOUR ONLY A KID FOR A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF YEARS ANYONE MASKIM?