Dear Lakewood Mommies (and Tatties), I was outside today watching my 2 year old on a bike when a random neighborhood 2 year old got off his bike to check out some excitement going on and he ran right in middle of the street and stood there.
No mother was watching him, though other mothers were standing around not far. I was shocked as they completely didn’t react and ignored that a baby was in the street oblivious to danger.
Its not the busiest of streets but cars do drive down it often and it sickens me to think what could have happened.
I left my own kid on a bike and ran halfway down the block towards the kid telling him he needs to get out of the street now. He ran to the sidewalk but seconds later ran right back to the center of the street.
Again, no reaction from the women or kids near him. This time I ran all the way down to where he was and once again ordered him out of the street and asked where his mommy was. He ran to the sidewalk and ran away from me, presumably towards his house and then just continued to play in the grass near other kids.
BH nothing happened to him, but only by miracle.
I’m very upset. Where was the mother? And why in the world do other mothers stand around and ignore danger like this?? 5 women within a few feet of the child yet I have to run from down the block to save a life of a 2 year old???? Hello??? Wake up my friends! Stop ignoring your surroundings and realize what’s going on around you. oh, and do something about it too, don’t just watch please.
I know its not easy, my 2 year old once ran out and into the street before I knew he even left and someone kindly brought him to me and gave me their 2 cents. Its hard to watch all your kids at once. I know what its about. But now that I realize the danger I watch my kids like a hawk. They are too precious to leave to the elements. And it hurts me that other yiddeshe mammas don’t realize this… Until c”v tragedy.
Please Don’t Let Your Kids Play Outside Without Supervision. (12yr or older)
Thank you
Mrs. W.
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Most moms think u can’t live like a normal person if ur chasing after ur kids all day, they think they will lose their sanity, and they get used 2 their kids doing dangerous things…. Guess what, g-d is is watching u every second of ur day and night like a hawk!!! Look after ur kid like a kawk before u might b the one to ch”v learn the hard way
YOU ARE ONE HUNDRED PERCENT CORRECT!!!!
The same thing happened with me a few days ago. a kid ran right into the street, with a whole group of ladies outside shmuzing, and no one was watching the kid. With siyata dishmaya I was going to my car and spotted the kid and pulled him from the road.
I guess its an unfortunate regular occurrence in lakewood.,
This happens all day every day on my block as well, and I can’t stand it. I also don’t like being known as the “mean totty” on the block. I’ve tried telling other people’s children what to do, but it just doesn’t work, and I’ve basically given up a long time ago. I am davening everyday that one of the kids on my block does not have an accident similar to the one that just happened R”L.
Many of the parents on my block say, “It’s so hard”, “How am I supposed to watch and be on top of my kids every second”, and as far as I am concerned it’s inexcusable. Of course, things happen, and a kid (maybe even mine) will run into the street, but I tell them “No”, which is something I don’t hear from neighboring parents sadly.
As much as the internet asifa was productive, and very necessary, I really wish the Rabbonim of Lakewood would address the hefkeirus of the children (along with the driving). It is a chilul Hashem, and noone can reasonably argue otherwise.
I disagree with your age limit of supervision, I feel comfortable with my kids younger than that playing on their own. They know the rules, and I’ll still check on them, but they don’t need to be constantly supervised.
i agree 100% with the author! i personally dont have a baby old enough to be exposed to that kind of danger, but all i can say, is on my short 10 min. drive home from work, i pass countless, countless children of all ages, on all blocks, and i have the same question-WHERE IS THEIR MOTHER?!? and dont tell me to be dan l’kaf zchus that there was someone watching from the window, or perhaps from a driveway or somewhere i couldnt see…guess what? thats not good enough anyway!!!! u have to be close enough to stop them BEFORE getting to the street, not after they ran after the ball….c’v…and by the way, dont think that ur child will never run into the street cuz they know not to-that isnt always the case…sorry for chewing ur ears off…i guess i just care about ur kids too much!
It is an unfortunate situation. however, listen to this explanation even though it is not an excuse. I live in a moderate size complex. most mothers are outside when their kids are outside. there are some familys who trust explicitly in g-d to protect their children and do not keep an eye on them. it comes to a point where the people who are constantly “teaching” these kids from neglectful parents, have no patience anymore. It has happened more than once where my kid points out to me that “so and so” is going into the “ditch” where the rain water goes. and I answer “he has parents”.
just another side of the story, although of course it is prob not an excuse
I live in a development where it is unfortunately commonplace for children to ride bikes in the street, cross the street without supervision, play ball in the street, etc. I am not responsible for other people’s children!!! If I see a young child in the street, I will generally not instruct him/her to get out of the street unless I know that the child’s parents are usually attentive and actually care if their child runs into the street.
I agree with 3 & 4. I am always watching my kids, and if I see a kid whose parent is usually watching him/her do something dangerous, then I will stop them. But if it is a kid whose parents are never out and they trust the one above to watch them, I will not do anything. Maybe I am wrong, but I can’t be the one watching all the kids. Of course if it is immediate danger, i.e. a car is coming I will pull the kid away, otherwise I look away.
I hate the fact that some parents are so careless because then it makes it that much harder to keep m kids out of the street.
The street is not a playground!!!!!
Mrs. W. actually handed me the kid & asked that I let the mother know where her kid was… his brother was watching him a few minutes before the incident occurred…
What’s the answer? I don’t know. Maybe someone has an idea. All the mothers I know are totally overwhelmed. If their working, they’re completely exhausted after a whole day at work and need time to do housework like supper, baths, homework, laundry. If they’re not working, they’re exhausted from cleaning up after their kids a whole day. There’s 2 options: Either stay outside the whole time with your kids while the house work is neglected and later the mother is falling apart or keep them inside where the house gets so messy and noisy that the mother can’t get anything done and also falls apart. I’m not condoning sending them out to play by themselves but can see why a parent might send the kids outside. They’re definitely not sitting around in their favorite arm chair twiddling their thumbs and reading a magazine. Maybe in every development and block there could be some sort of rotation system among parents.
Ladies, let’s face it.. It’s much more interesting to sit outside shmoozing, than to chase after your kids every minute.. after all we’re all entitled to unwind and relax a little..
Sorry, NOT so.. You can do that in your own homes. When your children are out on the street, where cars and buses are passing, they need a parents constant supervision.
It is WRONG to think that if every other mother is shmoozing, oblivious to their children’s whereabouts why shouldn’t you? If your children are outside, YOU are responsible for them.
It is WRONG to assume that some kind hearted neighbor of yours will pull him out of the street if necessary; or that Hashem is watching over them…
Wake up, ladies!!
By the way just to add my two senses. The time when this is the most prevelant is erev shabbos right before the zman in the summer. This is especally true when some make early shabbos and some don’t. those that make early feel like oh its shabbos we can all just go in the street. Meanwhile those making regular shabbos are rushing to do last minute errors. (As the gemara says about hezik erev shabbos). This is a recipe for disaster.
Yup, the same in my hood. electric scooters, bikes and tricycles as if the KIDS own the street. they dont even move over when a car comes. where does this mentality come from that the cars have to watch out for kids, instead of kids being alert and careful about being in a street thats made for cars???? y do tragedies hv to happen before people learn to be more safe?
When I first moved to Lakewood all the mothers in my complex gathered outside at about 4 PM everyday and sat and watched their children play. They sat in a group facing their children not each other. If one of them had to go inside for a minute she asked the other moms to keep an eye on her kids until she got back. Everyone was busy, everyone had large families, yet everyone knew where her kids were and what they were doing. There’s no excuse for parents not to watch their children.
As for someone else’s child not being your responsibility, I say hogwash. Kol Yisrael areivim zeh lazeh. When you see them doing something dangerous stop them. You’d want someone to care about your child, wouldn’t you? If the child’s parents have a problem with you telling their little angel to get out of the road tell them to attend a Bonei Olam program and see all the couples who don’t have children yet and how they’re chalushing to be parents. Tell them they don’t know how lucky they are that they have kids and tell them they need to watch those kids and parent them and appreciate the precious gift Hashem gave them and keep them safe.
Perhaps if more developments would have more space for kids to play in, the kids wouldn’t feel so attracted the street. Their parents would also be able to bring their children to a safe place to play instead of them just letting them roam. Unfortunately developments are being sold before anyone knows what it’s going to look like and people are buying while their children are very young and the last thing on their mind is – “where in heavens name are my kids supposed to play”. when their kids finally grow up the only place to ride their bikes, play ball and shoot basketball is in the street. I am not saying that this is a reason not to watch your kids….
Im sorry, but in my world an 8 year old is not responsible enough to watch a 2 year old. Ever. Bring your 2 year old inside to play while you make supper, go to the bathroom, or take a phone call. A 2 year old cannot understand cognitively the consequences of running into the street. They do not have the ability to think abstractly. Protect them by bringing them inside and let your 8 year old be a kid and play outside instead of always expecting him/her to “watch the baby”.
it is not right to expect any child to watch another one outside. Small children are very unpredictable and don’t listen to adults. How can we expect a child to be responsible for a toddler who is so difficult for even an adult to watch over? Imagine if something chv”sh happens to the little one, what kind of burden will the older child carry for the rest of his life? Why would any parent take such a chance? A tragedy can happen chalila in seconds, even when an adult is close by. I was turning in boro park from a main road onto a side street, b”h going very slowly. A toddler who had been walking, holding on to the stroller her mother was pushing, suddenly let go and ran into the street. It took only seconds. I saw her and was able to stop in plenty of time a few feet away. The mother was ready to faint. You cannot be too careful with your children.
But I don’t understand one thing. Why don’t the children play in the back yards in Lakewood?
100% true! i was driving around town this afternoon through various different neighborhoods, and let me tell you that i constantly found myself slamming on my brakes! there kids were kids all over the place…..all without any adult supervision,,,,more than 3 times i had to stop suddenly for a kid that just zoomed into the street without even a glance on a scooter, on a bike, on roller blades, or even just running. when i say “without a glance” i mean literally! and let me tell you that not even one kid was older than 8/9 years old! ( shall i remind everyone that most boys over the age 10 are not even home before 5:00/5:30)i can not tell you what the eitzah is on how to let kids of extremely busy mothers play outside. what i can tell you is that i do not let my own kids play outside unsupervised, and no i am not super mom…..if a child is not responsible enough to play outside safely and responsibly they should not be allowed to play outside alone!
Like everyone is mentioning please realize that your children are a bracha not a hindrance! we should not keep using being busy as an excuse not to protect our families!
I too see things like this all the time. I think it simply comes down to parents forgetting that every child is a priceless gift to be treasured. As someone who was blessed with fewer children than most in our community, I don’t think I can possibly forget even for a moment to treasure and be thankful for these gifts. If you’re feeling so overwhelmed that you can’t take care of your children, perhaps it’s time to take a step back and make the necessary changes to manage your life a bit better. We are all overwhelmed. But ultimately you are responsible for the choices you make, and included in that are the children you were given that are your responsibility at all times. Don’t take them for granted. Not all of us can.
i live outside West Gate and often have to go into this development. I see kids running in street, crossing without looking, playing in street. Parents need to teach their kids that this is not acceptable. Since kids do these things during the week it also happens on Shabbas. This past Shabbas i was walking in West Gate, kids and parents were walking in middle of the street and when a car came through the people didn’t even move over. It might be Shabbas for us but not for everyone.