Reader-submitted: Appreciate what You Have Every Moment. It’s Customized Just for You – Submitted by a Choleh

opinion[Submitted by reader with serious medical condition] Every day is a struggle. Its been a long uphill road for me to finally achieve this view from on high and I know I may roll back at any moment. The best way is to pen this letter to know that I actually got here and that I can climb back up and get even higher IYH BSimcha and with Gzunt.. I hope this will also help others..

Personally I have been facing an uphill battle with a serious medical condition. It’s not easy for my wife, my kids, parents, siblings or in laws. We learned over the years that I should not have had TWO Cardiac “procedures”/operations as it only made my real medical condition worse. The surgeon should have recognized certain triggers and sent me to a neurologist. But a surgeon is a surgeon and sometimes are too big (narrow sighted) and focused only in their own fields to consider other reasons that can cause cardiac issues vs. listening to the patient circumstances.

B’H bchasdei Hashem, after going to the Mayo Clinic to rule out many other things, we were introduced to a Dr Grubb in Toldeo OH who specializes and diagnosed me with the appropriate medical condition. Finally after 5 years we were not being simply washed off and being told it’s just anxiety and to seek psychiatric help, as almost all patients with this type of medical condition are told. Dr Grubb wrote a medical article stating specifically to avoid the cardiac procedure (which I already had 2 x) for the specific rhythm issue I had as the procedure makes the patient regress much worse than before for patients with the medical condition I have. The medical article was 10-year-old news. The cardiac issues were just a result of the condition and not the direct cause. My descriptions to what caused the cardiac issues and my sensitivity to the cardiac medicines (a warning sign of this condition) should have been a red light to the surgeon from suggesting and administering the procedures 2 times over 2 years. At least after the 1st procedure complications he should have figured something was not right.The original doctor (the great cardiac specialist)who did the 2 procedures response to Dr Grubbs article was “could be” and “hopefully it would get better after 5-10 years” with no compassion. He washed his hands off of my case as statistically I was not good to be on his charts after 2 messed up procedures with lousy side effects that made me worse till today.

Dr Grubb was different. Dr Grubb was honest and said we can try what we think may work. It will take time. Having the 2 procedures were not what he would have prescribed which obviously made my situation much worse. Each patient is different for their condition and the proper dosage and medicine is very customized. There is no magic pill. It’s a trial and error. Hit or miss game with things changing along the way. Currently we are trying new medications as my condition regressed about 2 month ago from simply going to a dentist for a shot that triggered a cardiac episode. I had to discontinue the medication I was taking for longtime that greatly calmed the situation down to be bearable and live-able. It allowed me to function within limits. It originally took a good 2-3 years to figure which medicine was good for me and to build up the right dosage in my body. Now we need with Hashems help and compassion to find other medications that will hopefully balance the current issues as I am getting many different episodes. It’s taking time to find the right medication(s) and dosages. And it’s not simple as the doctors don’t know what the triggers are as well as each persons body with their specific conditions is sensitive and reacts differently even from one manufacturer to the next of the same medicine.

Every “normal” moment is a Bracha from Hashem that my heart does not suddenly race or my blood pressure does not go out of wack. That I can eat a meal or a drink a sip of water and nothing happens within a short period of time is a “miracle”. Some moments I look perfect and people can’t even believe I have a serious condition. (Friends and Family ignorantly tell me it’s simply anxiety – even those knowing my case – as at times in the day I look perfect). Suddenly I may need to excuse myself and lay down flat and/or call Hatzoloah depending on the severity of on the attack. A trip to a store is a miracle as my children know anything can change in a split moment. Letting them down by not being able to take them out and spend time with them like all KNH healthy parents do is very emotional draining for me. I am sure its tough on them as well as my spouse who is running the house and 99% of the errands. It affects the entire household.

B”H I had a few hours yesterday that were great. I was a human being. I drove around town. It was a miracle to be able to stand, walk, drive and go out, especially the condition I was in just the day before. Hours later after my excursion I had another crazy episode. The pay back for being over excursive. Its a double edge sword. Do nothing and the body nerve system will further deteriorate. Do “too” much and the body may later over react. by a drastic change in pulse, oxygen, adrenaline. Even eating can make my entire system go crazy. I need to watch and constantly learn my limits and if I can’t get to shul (most of the time), I daven at home. If I can’t get out, it’s Hashem will and I stay at Home. I try to push myself but its a challenge.

The words of Brochos, Tefillah and Tehillim have a total different meaning and it lifts me up as I cry, sing and beseech Hashem for a refuah for me and for all of klal yisroel. It’s so simple for HKBH to make me or any of us healthy if that is His will. Hashem loves us and wants our Teffilos even if they are not 100 % perfect. He is the Creator and King of everything and every living thing on earth and in the entire Universe. He creates everything , everyday and every moment including all the cures for all the sicknesses. We all need to really appreciate and thank Hashem for every breath we take, for being able to walk or stand (when we can) , for everything we take for granted that Hashem gives us each day. It’s all from Hashem.

The sad news is that my wife’s cousin was just diagnosed with Stage 4 Yenei Machla just the other day. It’s really serious type. His name is Eliyahu Mordechai Ben Chana. He should have an immediate refuah shelayma bscoh sharey cholei yisroel. We all know more names that we can have in mind by Refoeinu in Shimonie Esrei.

We hear of the other people (young or old) who are sick from all over the world from so many different sicknesses, innocent people going about their daily activity and in fear of being critically injured or killed by young terrorists for just being a Jew. We who are sick- or healthy- truly don’t know what the next moment brings no matter were we live. We- especially those who are sick or out of work- clearly don’t know from what source our parnassa will be from to pay for food, clothing, rent, tuition, medicine, insurance …. But we do KNOW we have a Father – HKBH – who cares for us and is watching over our every move and protecting us, sustaining us, giving us life every moment filled with strength, health. HKBH is the one who plans and delivers our livelihood every moment. We just look like we are working, and it may appear its our doing, but we know it’s ALL Hashem. Hashem is always looking out for our best and knows what is best.

Eiza HaAsher Hasmech Bechelko. Happiness is the one who is content with his portion that G-d gives him. Each one of us have our unique challenges personally, at home and/or at work. We need to work and remind ourselves that our “customized” situation that we are currently experiencing is actually GOOD for us. Its been specially selected to make us grow and become stronger and much closer to Hashem and actually realize that we are totally reliant on Hashem for every breath and step we take at every moment.

I can say that I don’t wish what I have on anyone – (well maybe ISIS). But this is what Hashem wants from me for the past 7 years or more. Yes, for a while I was much better – not perfect – but much better than I am now. Hopefully I will have an immediate and this time a complete lasting refuah including everyone else who needs a refuah shlayma in klal yisroel as well as only hatzlacha in Parnassa and with their mishpacha.

I had no idea why I lost my job in lower Manhattan a few month before 9/11/01. I was really down then and it was really degrading to be unemployed. Within a month or two I found another job in Midtown around April of 2001. On 9/11/01 it was clear to me why as I lost my job and was not in the world trade center at 8:45 Am coming in with the Trains as I always did. Although we were on the way to NYC that morning, I was knh spared from personally experiencing upfront the tragic scenes of that day and from being placed away from harm. All that was set up days, weeks months and years before. It was Hashems perfect plan customized for me.

After having this illness/condition, my seniors at work would always compare my health to my sales of the year or season- even though it was dead season every year that time or others were not doing either great because of the economy. I had no idea how I would make parnasaa. But Hashem is the ones that give parnassa. The year I was harassed the most about my health issues was the year I did the best of all years.

It’s not easy. We don’t always get to understand the entire picture or see the true reality. We may never know or understand the reasoning. But we know deep in our hearts that Hashem is doing this for our benifit and its GOOD. We really know deep in our soul that this is 1 billion percent TRUE. Whatever Hashem gives us is customized (health,parnassa, family issues) and is for the best for each one of us individually to make us grow and refine us here in this world and for the next.
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YES I am a big talker it’s just my GOOD thoughts this morning-. Hopefully I will read it again later today and tomorrow and the next day…..Just to remind me that Gam Zu LeTova.

From My experience. (Disclaimer:I am only one person. Not an expert).
If you know someone who has an illness, feel them out and don’t avoid them. A simple call even once a week for 1-2 minutes or a short visit can make them feel so much better and make their entire day different. B”H I have one neighbor who comes every Friday night to say Good Shabbos. It makes our entire Shabbos.
And if it’s a chronic serious condition don’t think they are paying the bills. If they need financial help, be very cautious and find the one person that they would be comfortable to accept from. I know Cholim who outright say they are financially ok because the person who thought he was the “right ” person to approach the choleh, was actually the wrong person. Offer the children to join you on your chol hamoed trips or outings to the store. These small things make the difference.

. Hope this helps others.

Please consider one mitzvah as a zchus for a refuah shlayma for all cholim in klal yisroel. Maybe add a few minutes to start Shabbos early.

If you’re healthy go out and volunteer. There is so many people who can use a hello, a simple smile or a hand. It’s easier to be on the giving end vs. the receiving end. Grab the opportunity. It could be just next door.

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2 COMMENTS

  1. What this guy says is so true, on many fronts. Yes, getting up in the morning, going out, shopping, davening just walking or whatever & coming home and being able to function, eat & talk are all open miracles from H-shem. Also, the ga’aveh of the Drs is insane. But we can’t judge. I might be the same if I had 100 ppl every day begging me to help them. At the end of the day the only thing we can do is tefillah. Mr Choleh, u didn’t include ur name for tehillim. Plz do so, the koach of Tefillas HoRabim is incalculable. Refuah Sh’laima.

  2. I can definetly relate to what your saying. We’ve been searching for a long time for answers. Although we have a strong network of friends, we’re lacking family to really help. Our family seems so turned around and we just try to maintain our bitachon & emunah. Lately though it’s been harder, getting desperate some days. Getting worn down, pysically, emotionally, financially, and just needing a break. It’s a constant struggle or so it seems with no end insight. When not seeing doctors my spouse is resting. As the primary caregiver I am forced into tough choices, and lose parnassah, but frankly all I want is my spouse to get better. Our landlord had made it clear, out we need to go. So as they say we all have our own bag of stuff and challenges. I myself have health issues that need to be addressed. People say I give them Chizik when it is really me that needs it badly. So in the end their are many like you dealing with stuff. Your right all Tailor made for each of us.

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