I write anonymously, not because I fear potential unwarranted ridicule, rather I am one of the beneficiaries of said benefactors largesse, and I don’t want my genuine intentions questioned.
I have a leadership position in a Los Angeles Mosad, and I know said benefactor well. I’m not in his “inner circle”, but I’ve been involved with Askanus in Los Angeles for over 20 years, and things get around.
I write today because I’ve tried to ignore my pain for close to a week, and it’s just getting worse, not better. While I learned in Kolel for many years, don’t leave my house without a hat and jacket and have family in Lakewood, I am torn inside and am battling with questions. Embarrassing questions. Questions that I won’t discuss with my Family and hope it never gets to that point. Questions that are affecting my direction in life. This is the first time in my life that I am questioning if I understand our Mesorah. Is this what I signed up for, should I view this as an attack on me, on us? I was always sure that the people who dislike and hate Yeshivalite, were jealous of us, they weren’t proper Ovdei Hashem, so their Neshamos were a negative magnet to Kedusha. I’m having a lot of difficulty believing that, after I’ve witnessed our behavior of recent. At first I thought it was just a handful of bad apples, but I now realize that there are too many. In the last week, I’ve had this discussion in a round about manner with people just like me. None of us would say it straight out, but we were all thinking the same thing.
There was a speech given last Sunday night in Lakewood, New Jersey, the city that no doubt is the pride of the Oilam Hayeshivos. A speech which will go down as one of the most important speeches of our times. A speech that will hopefully change the trajectory of Chinuch. The exact content of the speech is irrelevant for now. It was given by said Benefactor. This Benefactor is known throughout the world as a Ba’al Tzedakah of epoch proportions. As an Askan in Los Angeles, I can attest to the fact that while we are aware of his many charitable acts, most of them remain anonymous. As an encyclopedia can be written about all of his Chesed, I write one story that speaks to his unique heart. A few years ago, by a Friday night Shabbos meal that fell out on Purim, he was hosting over 50 guests, when he was called away to speak to someone who had an urgent issue. He went into his living room to find a father with his 7 year old sickly son. The father relayed that after a series of tests determining that his son’s illness was incurable, the Doctors recommended that he take him home and just make him comfortable. Said benefactor broke into tears, put the boy on his lap and kissed him . Despite his many guests, he went upstairs and couldn’t come back down the entire night. Immediately after Shabbos, he called Eretz Yisroel, and hired 5 people to distribute $1 Million Dollars on Purim day to individual Aniyim who learn in Kolel. Baruch Hashem, Bli Ayin Hara, it’s 3 years later and the child is on the road to recovery.
Nobody doubts that his Ahavas Yisroel (All types of Yisroel) is of a level that most of us can learn from. Whether or not he worked on this Middah, or he was born with it, is irrelevant. Yeshiva’s and other institutions take advantage of the fact that he physically cannot say “No”. His home has become the default address where every Yeshiva, Mosad or individual comes for help. Jews of all stripes and colors. The Askanim in Los Angeles continue to intervene in his charities unsolicited, because if they didn’t, he would distribute his entire net worth in less than a week. Everybody gets help. People take advantage of the fact that he will give to people and institutions that do wrong by him.
Some suggested that this discussion should’ve taken place between all the School Deans in a more private setting and not in a public. Hasn’t there been tens of meetings year after year? Rav Mattisyahu Salamon Shlit’a implemented a rule that no school can open until every child is placed. It worked for one year. Then the Mashgiach’s health started failing, and we quickly went right back to where we were. Where has that gotten us? He has donated millions of dollars a year to the Lakewood Mosdos and has repeatedly plead with them to fix the system. He purchased a school 5 minutes after he received an email from the Lakewood Askanim and Roshei Yeshiva requesting him to do so. He paid all the Attorneys fees and other major expenses when Lakewood’s school bussing system went into a crisis mode. This is a man who never learned in Lakewood nor did his children, or his two sons in law. When he got up to speak, his deep caring for the children, our children, was palpable in the air. Did he go over the line? My personal opinion is that he was a little on the sharp side, but that seemed to be the only way to get the attention that this matter so desperately deserves. When he heard that some people were offended, he could of done nothing, as public opinion was 95% in his corner. He was contacted by multiple magazines and radio shows (even I was contacted by a newspaper to help them get in touch with the said benefactor. My feeling was their intention was to “expose” Lakewood). He therefore spoke to nobody. In addition, we need him, he doesn’t need us. But it bothered his large heart that people may have been offended, so he wrote a clarification letter that portrayed the genuine love he has for the people (his family) of Lakewood. Imagine if a mother of a child with cancer lost herself for a moment, and screamed at the doctor. Can you really blame her. Ven ess tut vey, shreit men!
So how did we, the beneficiaries of his endless acts of kindness react? How did we respond to one of our Chaverim B’lev U’vinefesh that never says no and always figures out some way to solve the problems we face? What did we do to the person who tries daily to get our daughters married, who lends us money to make payroll, who signs personally on Bank documents for Mosdos that need to buy buildings, who offers 3-5 years of support to Yesomos who can’t even get a date, who helped build the largest Cheder in Lakewood, who everyone reading this article would approach when there was nowhere else to turn? Did we cut him any slack especially after he apologized (for something he didn’t even do)? Did we call him or meet with him to try and make it right? No, that’s not what we did. We attacked him! We tried to be Mevayesh him B’rabim. We spoke hoards of Loshon Horah about him. We treated him as an outsider. We then fool ourselves saying that we did it L’shmah. The Arabs are killing each other ad nauseum in the name of religion. Is that who we are? Bais Shammai and Bais Hillel argued L’shmah. We’re not on that Madreigah. Years and Years of selfless acts, helping all of Klal Yisrael, doing overt acts just to create a Kiddush Hashem (soldiers in Ireland, and lottery tickets are just the ones we know), so the Umos Ha’olam, is this terrible time of uncertainty, would possibly change their attitude against our people, and we threw him away like a used tissue. Will you not agree that his is someone we want on our side? What would he do if you showed up at his home on Friday night with an urgent issue?
Which leads me to my original question. Do the Anti-Lakewood people dislike us because they are jealous and not on the level to appreciate us? Or do they see how we treat each other? Do they view us as people who think we get a free pass on Bein Adam L’Chaveiro just because we learn all day? If this is how we treat one of ours? If this is how much slack we’re prepared to cut, for a person who looks out for us, then Kal V’chomer She’bkal V’chomer, how do we treat our average friend, our average neighbor?
Again, are we treating our assets, Klal Yisrael’s assets properly? Are we too quick on the trigger, ignoring everything that we benefited? Do we really consider our friends’ feelings sufficiently when we make decisions? Are we really doing everything we can for our children? Do we really focus enough on our Bein Adam L’Chaveiro? Do we consider the feelings of our Chaverim before we act? I guess it really comes down to this: Do we have to act like Bnei Torah to gain the respect we rightfully deserve, or do we just assume that we can act maliciously and blame the haters for just being “self hating Jews”?
Did we ever stop to think, who’s going to take the responsibility for all the problems and Tzaar that said benefactor took ownership of? I find It amazing how quickly we threw him away, only to allow the outsiders to see this, and grab the opportunity to use him as their banner? Are we really prepared to give him up? I think we need to find a way quickly to make him feel welcome and appreciated in our communities.
I hope and Daven that we are able to repair any damage we did to one another. Because if Chas V’Shalom our actions cannot be repaired, we will have lost a lot of indispensable people, and have nobody to blame but ourselves.
A very confused Ben Torah.
Excellent article! Dear moderator, please do not allow any comments on this article כל המוסיף גורע
Can’ t agree more. Let every mosed that rejects children reject said benefactor’s money. Stay true to your holy principles.
Thanks and well written article. If I can throw i my two sense here is what I think SYR really meant to say.
1) When schools or parent bodies reject a child one must first ask him/herself is it really all lman hashem. if we really think that it will affect my childs chinuch then das torah should be consulted with whether rejecting a child is correct However, if it has anyhting to do with shtultz or elitism then we have a problem. If we are rejecting a child because we want a certain elite yeshivish club and name or perhaps we only want bal habatish children then we have a problem
2) Schools are overcrowded. When applicants only want to send to a specific school is it really because their child won’t receive a fine chinuch in another “easier to get in” school?When parents refuse to send to a new school because they only want “established” schools whats their true reason? Many new schools only hire very experienced staff. After all they have a name to protect and if you only have 4 people on staff you can afford to pay a bit more to get the best. So why are we really not choosing new schools at-least in its 2nd year? Does it have anything to do with the fact that my neighboor, sister-in law, cousin etc.. will see that I don’t get into the best most shtultzist school?
These are honest questions that all sides have to ask themselves. We must truely seek the truth? Is shtultz and eltism involved or is it truly lshem shomaim? (That doesn’t mean that its never lshem shomiam sometimes our concerns are well founded. But it requires us to be honest with ourselves)
Thank You for this article
Whatever valid complaints there are on Bnei Torah the reactions to Rechnitzes speech is definitely not a reason to hate them. If you leave the blog world (which definitely doesn’t attract the cream of the crop) Do you really think the typical yunger man or Ben Torah in Lakewood is busy attacking Rechnitz and reacting very inappropriately over his speech.
Can you post an email or contact we as poshite’ youngerliet can share what we feel.
Finally someone who is saying what the average Lakewood working person is thinking. I have recoiled in horror at our town’s response to Reb Shlomo Yehuda’s speech. He has done so much for people in this town.
We ignored the main point of the speech and proceeded to tear him apart because we felt that he attacked benei hayeshiva. If we had only half the outrage at the disgraceful acceptance process as we had toward Reb Shlomo Yehuda, the problem would have been solved already.
And it behooves us all to watch this clip of the Godel Hador Rav Ahron Leib (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tx-XpZDdyjw). Reb Ahron Leib said this years ago when he came to Lakewood and we have not listened to him either.
Whoa. Just when I thought the op-ed pieces couldn’t get any better, along comes another one. Well said, well said…
amazing. thank you! Rechnitz was sharp and every word was true! Any person who disagrees might be the ones at fault for this grave situation we are in. ANY PERSON WHO UTTERED THE SLIGHTEST WORD OF NEGATIVE IN RESPONSE TO RABBI RECHNITZ SHOULD BE BY HIS DOOR ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS AND NOT WAIT TILL ITS TOO LATE.
TO S MEREL: please don’t give us the “cream of the crop” blame- theres more talk off blogs than on! so please don’t pretend blogs are the issue. yes they may not belong . but off the blog is where the REAL trouble is!.
Bravo, agree to what’s written and want to add one more idea. How about we don’t only not ch’v dispose of those who do so much for the k’y but also treat regular yidden like they matter.
Signed,
Nobody and nothing in Lakewood, not noticed and not needed.
I usually don’t comment but I felt the need to speak up, all those people that have been speaking negetive about one of the greatest Askanim in our times, are not most of Lakewood Bnei Torah. These comments come from Lakewood haters whether they live in Lakewood or out of Lakewood. So to the writer of this piece there is no need to question your mesorah, you just have to do a little fact-finding, but otherwise it was written very well and thank you for being our voice to stick up for this great Askan.
While there are a lot of valid points going around, it pains me to no end that there is a notion that lakewood bnei torah are lax in bein adom le’chaveiro. All issues aside, I have experienced extraordinary care and concern from the lakewood community which is a direct result of the atzilus hanefesh that is aquired through learning torah. A tzibbur is made up of all types and stripes but lakewood is overwhelmingly caring and loving for their fellow jews. If someone has a problem with lakewood it’s because they seek to find fault in this extraordinary community. perhaps the faults are more glaring because they do so well in most areas but they are definitely not any worse than any other jewish community. To the contrary, the Ahavas yisrael permeates throughout this town, if one would only open their eyes they would say ‘ashreichem yisrael ve’ashreichem talmidim chachomim shezachisem lekach’. Rabbi rechnitz had a valid point and if put in context I don’t think he meant anything in a malicious way, but I’m afraid that those who are bashing the lakewood community have a different agenda.
I have lived in Lakewood for over 20 years and have experienced that people truly care for each other. I’ve seen neighbors going out of the way to help each other – even if said neighbor is not exactly like them. That is the norm in our beautiful city. I’ve seen people advocate successfully that less connected neighbors get into schools even when these schools were past capacity.
Lakewood is a city that is growing by leaps and bounds. The small school I sent my older daughter to now has 31 students in each Primary class, and 5 parallel classes. There is ligitimately no extra room. I truly believe that the mosdos are trying their best. It is so painful for students not to be accepted to school right away. To be successful, we need to be solution oriented, and not castigate the community and the askanim that work tirelessly to help each child. Certainly we can not disparage this special city of Torah and gemilus chasadim.
As an aside I’m not understanding what this all has to do with our mesorah which we received dor achar do through the gedolei yisrael up until moshe rabeinu. There is only one mesorah that is being held up in America by and large by the lakewood community. If someone has a problem it’s with certain individuals not our mesorah chalilah.
Wow, all great points, well written!
Heard tons of “yeshivish” people discussing the speech didn’t hear anyone trashing him at all. Heard many different opinions of what the real problem is but the only criticism I heard was that maybe the speech was strongly worded but that’s all so not sure where all this is coming from. Maybe I live in a different Lakewood?
Please realize it isn’t the Bnei Torah of Lakewood that are ripping R’ S.Y. rather they just had a issue with the monotone and sharpness of his speech against Lakewood without bringing out all the wonders and beautiful things going on in this town!!! WE REALLY APPRECIATE HIM AND HOW MUCH HE HAS DONE FOR LAKEWOOD AND KLAL YISROEL AS A WHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m involved with a Moised that has been carrying a crippling debt for years. Year in year out we cover our budget. A daunting task indeed. However due to an unexpected expense we carried a debt to the tune of hundreds of thousands of dollars. We finally made an attempt to wipe out this debt. SYR who has no shaychos to our Moised and didn’t even know of our situation gave us such a large donation and enabled us to wipe the debt clean. I’ve been reading about how much we the public don’t know of all the chesed he does. SYR IS NOT AWARE OF ALL THE CHESED HE DOES!!!! Megalgilin Zchus al yedei Zachai. I believe with all my heart his intentions with his speech were all good. I think if he would have known how sharp and what the results were he would have said it differently. And he said so himself in his apology. How much more does this man need to be bashed??? With all the good that he does I don’t remember any of it getting a fraction of the play that this is getting. He apologized. It’s time to move on!
Have to agree with 5 and 11 . As someone who actually visits the bmg coffeeroom and hears the actual comments of lakewood yungerleit I can say that syr speech was not dealt with in anything less than objectivity with opinions running the gamut . It’s more the media hype that turned this into what it was not ever meant to be and to that I will say if you feel unwelcomed by mosdos in this town it maybe for no good reason however from the tone of the media it sounds like the reasons are real and valid
Rabbi Rechnitz is a special person and brought up key issues we all faced. Thank you.
.I got married late after learning in BMG fo rover 5 years. I stayed in kollel for another year and half and do to financial reason I had to go to work and take care of my family. I still Davened in Yeshiva yom norioim up until a few years ago. I keep up with members of the Hanhala. I had to beg to get my daughter into school of my ” best friend”. i was only accepted at the end because they opened another class. And when my daughter had to get into high school I was told that i was lucky my daughter who averaged a 95% got in.
why? because i worked. It made no difference how many years i sat in yeshiva. or associated with BMG..
And this may sound contradictory I believe that Lakewood was created and developed to be a city of bnei torah that learn or work. I believe that when in Rome – you must live by the rules of ROME. So what happened over the past few years of Lakewoods level of hishpashtus and tzinius. Yes things have gotton so expensive and people can even finance children clothing at (moderated). This element has been imported from places like Brooklyn and has overran the kidusha atmosphere of what Lakewood should represent. Its not everyone but its many.
When we had to get our boys into yeshiva we had to meet with the “owner ” of the school who gave us a whole speech about tzinius amd internet which we 100% AGREED WITH. The joke was the person knew personally my wife’s family and my shver still sits and learns…
For some reason certain elements that did not meet these standards (a mother required to wearing stockings , length of skirts….) were allowed into the school. Why what happened to all the rules? Weren’t these families not given the same speech we were given?
Internet and computers are for parents that need to work and must have filters”. Children should not use computers like they dont drive cars. Its a rule and I agree with it. So why did my boys come home from school hearing from other boys about which websites to watch sports, details of the latest movies and latest electronic toys?? Now we can fight as much as we can but the kids demand to use the computer as their friends are allowed…
One of our sons rebbes enlighten us that there is 1-2 families that the parents rules about internet and computers for their children are “no rules”. And for every child of these families, each child ends up passing that information to other kids in his classroom especially to the children that are struggling with learning already. Why were these families allowed to stay in the school? Why were they not warned to keep to the rules of the school? AND then why did the mossad actually honor one of these parents??? Double $tandard$…
Chinuch is not easy. But our system needs some major changes. Too many kids are at Risk.
R’ Rechnitz’s problem is the ATTITUDE of certain people who are involved in mosdos and yet don’t take the achrayos properly. They are kind people but miss the boat bc of their misguided conception. Whether or not the applicant should be applying to another Yeshiva is NOT anyone else’s business, the applicant still deserves the same respect and straightforward answers (even if there is physically no room).
I’m a talmid of R’ Nosson Tzvi Finkel ztz”l who is renowned for loving each and every Bachur and new applicant to Mir. I keep wondering how HE would run a mosad in Lakewood. Would he keep adding parallels? Possibly. Would he even consider himself patur because there is a newer mosad in town? Not for a second! THAT is the achrayos of a ba’al mosad…. (I can’t put this properly into words, you have to have known R’ Nosson Tzvi to understand this.)
If every person in Klal Yisroel would be like Reb Shlomo Yehuda then Mashiach would have already come!
We all need to learn from this persons HUGE heart.
im really taken aback by this piece because i live in lakewood and heard all the talk going on about this speech and have not heard a bad word about Reb Rechnitz!! maybe people felt he was too harsh but nothing against him personally was brought up ch’v. im not sure who this fellow has been in touch with but it was obviously people who are part of a strong minority…
If we would all truly realize that every child is a piece of H-ashem we wouldn’t b in this predicament today
It was a really good speeech. It is just A few loud mouths. Keep up the good work.
Kollel people also have a hard time getting their children into schools.
The real solution is that there needs to be a community school with basic standards in which every child is accepted and appreciated. There can possibly be different tracts within the same school similar to yeshiva darchei torah in far rockaway.
There can also be privately owned schools with higher standards that are more selective.
But the point is that it is a communal responsibility upon the entire community, on each individual and specifically on the roshe yeshiva of lakewood as leaders of this great makom torah to ensure that every single child is in a school and stays in school. It’s really that simple. No child should ever be left out or made to feel that they don’t belong.
I have been there with my child rejected for no reason and I LOVED and appreciated this speech really hit home for me. What a tzadik rabbi Rechnitz is. We can all learn from him!!!!
Thank you for a most wonderful, well written article, and thank you for speaking for all of us.
Mr. Rechnitz highlighted what we all already knew that ELITISM is the source of the school crisis.
Why has no-one yet mentioned that the same problem is the source of the shidduch crisis?
Shlomo Rechnitz has been unfairly attacked for supposedly criticizing the Bnai Torah world, The feedback and comments, I’m getting from the black-hat chareidi Kollel or former Kollel masses is that they are cheering Shlomo Rechnitz. He was not attacking the Bnai Torah who sacrifice and give of themselves to learn. He was attacking the elitist who should not take cover behind the masses.