If I thought things couldn’t have gotten any worse after dealing with the death of a promising 22 year old young man on Wednesday, I was wrong.
Because Thursday brought with it more grief – an 18 year old boy dead of an overdose.
I wish I could post the pictures of the 77 young men and women who have died since Rosh Hashana. When we hear stories like these we automatically think of wild-eyed individuals with unkempt hair, the kind of person that when they get on the subway you think silently to yourself “please don’t sit next to me.”
But that’s not who we are talking about. We are discussing beautiful young people with promising futures that will never be realized because they are tormented by unseen demons that bring with them catastrophic, irreversible results.
I wish you could see their faces. All 77 of them.
When I started keeping track of the number of lives lost I was hoping it would bring awareness. And it has, to some extent. People are starting to wake up and to appreciate the enormity of this problem. But then there are the others. The ones who tell me that I have no business discussing sexual abuse, mental illness and addiction in the Jewish community.
Really? Should we continue sweeping these problems under the rug and pretending they don’t exist? Should we just shake our heads sadly and go on living our lives as if nothing has happened? When are we going to wake up and realize that this problem is real and isn’t going to go away unless we face it head on?
If I sound angry, it is probably because I am. I am just the messenger here and if people want to criticize me and get mad at me, that is totally fine. But let me tell you something. We are currently holding at two deaths a week for the last ten months. How many people in our community have to die before we finally decide to do something?
This isn’t a problem that is going to be solved overnight. This is a war that has to be fought one battle at a time and we can only turn the tide if we open our eyes to those around us.
If you see someone suffering, be it from sexual abuse, mental illness, addiction, or anything else that seems off, DO SOMETHING. Reach out to them, find them someone to talk to or try to get them professional help. The resources are out there but someone has to take that first step. Don’t assume that things will work out on their own because in cases like this, they rarely do.
Each one of us has to do our part and if we stand strong and look out for each other, maybe we can stop this deadly epidemic. Open your eyes and open your heart. And who knows? Maybe the life you save will be that of someone you love.
Zvi Gluck is the director of Amudim Community Resources, an organization dedicated to helping abuse victims and those suffering with addiction within the Jewish community and has been heavily involved in crisis intervention and management for the past 15 years. For more information go to www.amudim.org.
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Kol hakovod to Mr Gluck!! yes it’s terrible out there so many people are suffering emotionally I am persannaly dealing with a good friend going threw crazy emotional issues but no one else knows and he seems like just another regular guy we just got to be nice and friendly to everyone because you never know what your best friend ,brother or neighbor is going threw
Tzvi gluck is a gift to mankind! It Could not have been said better!
Maksim we really need to be nice to everyone a simple good morning can change someone’s day
I think it’s important to note, that almost 60% of the deaths weee not frum, in fact they left frumkeit.
It’s very sad but makes a big difference in the fact and headline.
It’s a whole different problem to deal with
they left frumkeit because of their pain. yes it’s our sisters and brothers. we are responsible for them . we cant just turn a blind eye and say oh at least theyre not frum that is naive and uncaring. We are a nation of rachmanim….
To levi j and all others who think like him I don’t know who you are .but your post makes me be closer to a potential 78 . pls be careful as I am sure you don’t want to be responsible for that. I am frum. every day I struggle to stay frum bec of judgments like you . I am a well sought out person in fact chances are you know me . I pay thousands of dollars for therapy just to survive . Do you know why? because other frum people abused me. I move on and I use my strength. but strength is hard to come by. pls if you don’t understand what it feels like to be abused or you dont understand what I am writing, why not call zvi gluck himself. if you want to help: be nice to people around you. it may be me. and if you want you you can make a donation to Amudim.
Levi J., ask yourself WHY these children left frumkeit in the first place? The fact that they were no longer frum is all PART of the problem.
At Levi J.
I agree with you that there is a whole problem that we need to deal with. And I will explain in below.
First of all, it is simply not true. Most were still leading “frum” lives.
Second – ever wonder why so many people go “off the derech” – and here I agree with you – it’s a whole different problem, and one that is NOT being dealt with the way it should. Victims of sexual abuse, who are not afforded to opportunity to get help, people who have learning disabilities and are bullied in school and made fun of, people who have mental health issues and the system does not provide the proper support. And of course, people that choose to live a life slightly different than their families, be it becoming more modern Etc. and the families are so “ashamed” that they throw their kids out, leaving them no choice.
We need to be more accepting and helpful and stop judging people by what they wear, how they act, and be more understating of the numerous underlying issues that can cause all of these tragedies.
LEVI J ARE YOU FOR REAL???
It is ONE BIG PROBLEM. And yes I am screaming, I am screaming at your seemingly irrelevance to the problem at hand.
A. The abuse is primarily the reason they are not frum anymore.Part of the reason they feel the very society that is supposed to protect them and help them in their time if need, has neglected them!
B. So they are not FRUM. Are you saying they are less of a YID? Are you saying that כל המקיים נפשׁ אחת מישׁראל only applies if they are FRUM and within your scope of FRUm.
Shame on you for being a person that judges and adds to the problem rather than jumping in and helping fix it!
This is the problem and with this attitude it will only get worse!
@levi j ur so wrong
The fact they left yidishkite is part of the problem
Levi J, I’d have to venture a strong guess that many left Frumkeit for the very same reasons that eventually led to their deaths. So if you want to say that it’s the same problem, then fixing the mental health and addiction issues would be the same thing as fixing the Frumkeit issue. But if you’re trying to say that it’s any less our problem because they’re no longer Frum, or that the lack of Frumkeit brought on the mental health issues, you’re blinding yourself to avoid feeling any sense of responsibility.
To No.4
WHY DO YOU THINK THEY LEFT??????????????????????????
The way human psychology works, no one believes how bad the victim is affected. But AFTER the melt down people say “if I would have known…”
For example, my best friend got divorced. While she was married she kept telling everyone in her family how broke she was. No one gave her a dime. In fact she asked outright especially her cousin who is supper wealthy, everone had a dozen excuses but not a dollar. After announcing that her divorce was coming they all offered to pay for a trip to Florida or to pay for some therapy.
A day late and a dollar short. It’s human psychology.
Levi j you are for the books y do you think their not frumm seriously get out of Disney lanf
as a former roommate of 1 of the tragic 77 I wish amudim was there 5 years ago for him…. It hurts me every day that the resources weren’t there to help him when he started showing “signs” while in yeshiva. and he was frum! maybe not according to some, but kept as much as he was able. unfortunately he was in a rut that i bless everyone who reads this that the should never have to deal with.
Just realizing now addiction of all sorts exists at all levels from every direction? 77 are only the ones you know of. You must physically get between the seller and the buyer, and rehab. Yes physical intervention if you really care about your own kids
Levi J your comments indicate you have left frumkeit. God would never turn his back on these people. They need help and support and not made to feel as if they no longer deserve God’s mercy. Burying the problem only makes them feel greater shame and causes them to hide their need for help whether a practicing Frum or not.
really? I bn will be making a donation in your honor to Amudim I hope and pray that you overcome all of your suffering.
Stop worrying if a person is frum or not!!! These boys and girls are suffering. We have to stop judging and start helping. If you can not help a person at least help the organization.
Levi, why don’t you tell us how “drum” you are. Let’s put you through the “frum” test and we will determine whether you arwt really frum.
R’ Gluck raises a good point, in theory, but in practice it rarely works. I once asked a therapist to approach a friend of mine who needed help, the therapist refused. He then explained to me, for therapy to work, the person has to realize he has a problem and come himself. It’s part of the process. To go over to someone and tell him, hey – you need a therapist, is not gonna work. Hatzlocha rabbah to all !!
I think Levi. J gets the point by now I hope he doesn’t go off the d from all this
to j from philly. thank you. you have warmed my heart tonight. Hashem should repay you and ur family with happiness.
tzvi gluck does good work but levi j has a point he didnt say that we dont care bcause theyre less frum or not his point is that to deal withit we need to assess details , & causes this 22 yr old was married, had an accepting family, and comfortable parnassa & was seeing a doc so no one shoved anything mental ilness is a shvere parsha hamokom yenachem
To poster no 1 who said “Kol hakovod to Mr Gluck!! yes it’s terrible out there so many people are suffering emotionally I am persannaly dealing with a good friend going threw crazy emotional issues but no one else knows and he seems like just another regular guy we just got to be nice and friendly to everyone because you never know what your best friend ,brother or neighbor is going threw” you’ve unwittingly identified the real issues at hand. First, I thank you for your empathy and acknowledge your good intentions and warm heart. We have two major issues – as you note no one knows who is suffering. So, we lack awareness of the problem. The reason we don’t know is because of the branding issue we’ve created in our society wher no one can admit to being human. In this weeks family first magazine a letter writer about cheap home exercise equipment had to withhold her name – that’s ridiculous. Second – we are lacking the solution because it isn’t just being nice to everyone, which will include emotionally challenged people. There is certainly no harm in being nice but it will not help someone experiencing depression. Also, these emotional issues are often mislabeled as mental health issues. Many people who are labeled as such have perfect mental health and struggle with emotions, childhood baggage, parental influence and unaddressed internal emotional wiring of habit learned or imposed at a very young age.
Beetle firstly thank you for your chizuk.I defenetly hear your point that being nice may not take away ones depression but it can go a long way even just talking to to these people mean a lot. This friend that I’m dealing with who again is a very popular guy recently told me that he was at shul one day and was in a very sad mood so he went over to another guy who officialy is a social worker and just started shmoozing with him and the man said I really need to go so the friend said but I need some chizuk and he said “YOU ? YOU DONT NEED CHIZUK” so that just proves my 2 points that these people seem really normal and happy but are really not and 2 that sometimes they just need someone to “shmooz ” with. Hatzlacha