Reader-submitted: You throw out my Mishloach Manos, and I’ll throw out yours

I know we hear about Mishloach Manos ever year, but it’s not getting any better.

Why are families stressing out to make 60, 70, and even 100 Mishloach Manos, just to have them sit around people’s homes until Pesach – and then have them go to the garbage.

Every year my wife looks at the counters in the kitchen, dining room tables, and every other flat suface in the home and they’re covered in Mishloach Manos. No, not because we’re so popular, but because it became a ‘thing’ that every member of my 75+ family development has to give to everyone or it will look like they aren’t on talking terms.

I think it’s out of hand.

And besides for the Baal Tashchis of food, the waste of money is just astronomical.

How about we all join together and decide ahead of Purim to just give to the a few teachers and rebbeim etc, and cut out all the ‘just to be formal’ Mishloach Manos?

T.Z

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47 COMMENTS

  1. Nothing is stopping you from doing just that. Everyone who comes to give you a shalach manos, why don’t you hand them a card saying that you are no longer giving because it is bal tashchis. Next year they won’t give you.

    But of course, you are unwilling to do so, and so you come anonymously to The scoop with your good ideas. If you are really so sincere, be a “Nacshon” and start the trend.

    Most successes happen when people take action, not when we have a conversation about it.

  2. This is what Purim is all about. It’s about giving to the “just to be formal” friends. Not the ones you see everyday anyway. If your going to complain about Baal tashchis, then tell everyone to stop buying things like $8 disposable boxes with more expensive boxes inside with candy that just have a nice color wrapper that will that go in the garbage. Start giving the good stuff that we actually would love to receive like salad, soup, kugel, or any real food. Ask anyone, those are the few things that actually get eaten!

  3. The point of Mishloach manos is to promote friendship and love among Klal Yisroel. That means if the person feel cared for by what you sent, an important objective has been met. There is a definite amount of waste, especially when foods are chosen by color rather than taste or function. However, the warm good feelings the foods bring override the waste aspect.

  4. We have a list of about 15 people we give to, if someone comes to us thats not on the list we say thank you. you dont have to do what everyone does no body cares except you in your own mind.

  5. I can’t be a nachshon but at least I only give out REAL food – soup, salad, kuglel and I believe there is a basis in Halacha (giving out food that can be eaten in the seuda). I do NOT appreciate color coordinating candy, mashed bananas because your kid dressed up like a monkey, or dog food because your family dressed up like dogs. C’mon people!

  6. Why dont you recycle your mishloach manos and then you won’t have so much leftover and you also dont need to make 100 bags instead just 40 and 30 will give back to recycle until you give all hundred

  7. I agree with “Lakewooder since 66” completely.

    One should give something to someone on Purim that they can use at they’re Purim or the following Shabbos seudah, e.g a pastrami, a jar of pickles
    Lachmajin, and you can’t go wrong dropping off a delicious herring gourmet platter, because these are items that would never get thrown out!

    (Specially the herring)

    Personally my wife and I give to our children’s teachers/rebbeim, our boss’s, our parents and in laws. Thats all. Period.

  8. It is definitely out of hand . No where does it say it’s an exchange . Give a warm smile , ask them to come in for a drink . Dance a bit. There’s no need for tangible junked up bags of reciprocity to every single person in the world.

  9. No one gives the classic AND cost effective Hamentashen!!!! I look forward to those every year. I get less and less every year… RACHMONOS!!!!

  10. In my tightnit community someone put together a list of all names in the community, and before Purim everyone gets the list and checks off the names they want to give to (each name is 5$) so instead of getting 100 dif shlach manos you get 1 large one based on how many ppl submitted ur name (per category) of course ppl still give they’re 5-10 closer friends/neighbors but it cuts it down a ton

    And the best part is it raises slot of money for a specific Tzedaka

    What do u think about implimenting this in ur (op) development and or others

    • This method is not what Mishloach Manos Ish Lirayeihoo is all about!
      You don’t get extra s’char For knocking yourself out trying to come up with shtiky/fancy Mishloach Manos! The pressure the women put on themselves ruins many families’ Simchas Purim! The money you save on all the packaging could be given for Tzedaka when people come collecting on Purim!

  11. For the past 15 years our family has given hummus,crackers and a drink.
    Each year we get lots of thanks from everyone that we give it too.
    The problem is that there are many people out there who feel that they have to out do others and that’s why they go crazy with what they give.

  12. This is similar to what i tell my friends who live more than a 90 secobd walk from my house: Ploni, I live you but Im not giving you Mishloach Manos. Plz cross me off ur Mishloach Manos list; I already crossed you off mine.

  13. We need to start a movement for everyone to give each other only KOSHER L’PESACH Mishloach Manos- the Nes of Purim really happened on Pesach, so it would be a “Purimdike Theme” and we could all save it for Pesach and save money on our Pesach Cheshbon!

  14. It’s a mitzvah to give a lot of mishloach Manos to marbe reyus. You don’t have to make such a fancy one you can give apple and tomato etc. And it’s not chamets

  15. The R’M (purim 2,17) tells us it’s preferable to give to the poor , than to increase giving shalachmones; How about if we start this minhag: give shalchmones to 2 people, the rest get a card showing you made (or will ) make a donation in their name to your favorite anyim tzedaka;

  16. חבובה
    Do what you want.
    Each year we get this similar letter, Let each family decide what they wanna fo and how much they want to spend
    For some people baking creates Joy and thats what adar is about
    For some giving creates Joy
    And for some giving to people whom they havenet spoken to in awhile creates joy
    But this culture of מוחאה׳s of telling others what to do
    Just because YOU decide somethings wasteful
    Doesnt mean others do
    In general
    Let each family do whats best for them
    Different Strokes for different folks

    • I agree! Since I was never too creative I used to dread Purim. It was a real pressure for me, believe it or not .I’ve matured since then and just do what I can do, happily. But I realized there are people who really enjoy this and they come up with beautiful and creative ideas. Go for it! Why not let people use their talents? As Mark Levin says “different strokes…”

  17. A neighbor once gave me shalach manos right before the Seda and was a little high by then. When I tried reciprocating, he said “please don’t give me, my cleaning lady left already!”.

  18. The Rov of my development spoke last Shabbos, asking everyone to NOT give Mishloach Manos to anyone in the development.

    The kids NEEDING to give to every kid their age, is another issue.

  19. I remember in Boro Park being a child, and going to my neighbor who gave me a china plate with homemade cakes and an orange and having to go home to remove the delicious items and return the plate.

    we used to give kugel and challah and then people would throw them away in search of “wrapped items”

    It doesnt end ,,,,, there is always an issue etc. We have to do what we WANT to do, give the people whom we feel that are happy to receive the home made items etc…
    And yes, I have done themes with edible food to 70+ people too,

  20. Here’s a suggestion that will really help Lakewood on Purim. Give as many as you want but only to those within WALKING DISTANCE from your house. No driving for delivery. Then all the people on the other side of town who you drive to with you mashed Banana Chips because your kid was dressed like a monkey, will fully understand why you did not contribute to their garbage pile.
    Happy Purim to All!!

  21. Kids is an issue indeed.
    In my day, I chose 5 friends to give to, basically choosing from those in the neighborhood. Today the kids have to give everyone in the development. My daughter just prioritized the most important ones in the development, and she needs to give 19 of the girls her age. That’s before cousins, and friends more than 1 block away….

  22. Mr. Pastrami giver, how do I get on your list? Yum!!!!

    Give give give and give more. One of our wonderful Mitzvos that is so much fun and so enjoyable. Planning a theme, figuring out what to give, preparing, unpacking what you get, letting the kids have all the nosh. Wow oh wow oh wow. Not sure why in the world this is a problem. This is AWESOME. We love Purim in my house. We wait all year. My whole family gets involved, all the kids, the einiklach. It is such a highlight here. I feel so sad for you that this fantastic day and incredibly wonderful Mitzva is a pain to you.

  23. Ok so I hear your point. Yes, year after year, there is tonz of money wasted, and lots and lots of food ending up in the garbage – not just cuz its too much to go through before pesach, but also because half the stuff I wouldnt eat anyway (especially something homemade if I dont really know you) but all those mini candies and zazas and blah blah blahs that you use to fill up….
    But the point remains the same. My family loves doing a theme every year, and it’s so fun to put together a shalach manos that fits the theme. Of course we try to do things that will be used, but we know that there will be things that get thrown out – that’s just part of it. Is it right? I dont know. Is it fun? Sure is! Does it get a lot of laughs? You bet! So maybe it’s all worth it in the end…
    And to those that do the same thing year after year, kol hakavod to you! I think most people appreciate knowing what’s coming and usually look forward to it 🙂

  24. @Salamon is right: The Rambam says better to give money to poor Almonos & Yesomim than to give shlah Manos &/or have a lavish seuda.
    @ why B flat – I think I know who u r & I already crossed you off my list, Im fairly certain you already crossed me off yours. Happy Purim to all !!

  25. Enjoy the day without pressure. A day to spend with family. Some familys actually enjoy giving and giving. If you dont and this is pressure for you, ask your rov how to go about it.

  26. To the person who says to recycle shalach monos I recycle whatever I can but most things I get are color coordinated wrapped for example two yellow jelly beans and two black jelly beans bec your kids are bees . Also to all those ppl who say they make this and that for other Ppl seudas many many ppl don’t eat other ppls homemade food and certainly won’t recycle Homemade food so that reaches the garbage first in many cases ; sorry to be so blunt – but i Think it’s time you know that ( unless of course I’m your sister In law etc then I will eat your food ) … wishing everyone the best purim ever !!

  27. To “Hi”- B”H all my friends trust me and my kashrus. I don’t see why you wouldn’t trust a dear friend/neighbor but u would a sister-in-law. (Unless you happen to know them in this regard obviously). I wonder what it was like 100 years ago when there was no such thing as a “hechsher”. Did everyone throw out their neighbors kugels etc every Purim?

  28. I was just thinking how I am going to get through all the mishloach manos making for this year aside from affording it.
    Its not gonna work.
    But where do I start trimming the list.
    No I dont give everyone I know.
    But it starts with the Rav.
    Then the teachers and Rabbeim.
    Then comes the outlaws… (jk the inlaws) and parents.
    Then all the married siblings and trust me we have BH large families.
    (And I tried skipping them all one year but felt really stupid at the seudah when they all gave me and I had nothing to give in return).
    Then there are my immediate neighbors.
    Then there is my few friends that I miss for many years already and look forward to the once a yr 3 min seeing them on purim as we exchange MM. And then there are my husbands few friends he just has to give.
    And then there are the few people we know divorced and single or alone and not getting too many MM to begin with and of course we cant forgo them.
    If I would add up just the cost of packaging… not talking fancy stuff here… Im over budget. Without even including any food!!!!!

    I just dont know where to start.

    I have an idea.
    I think I should just make a large pan of some knishes or kugel or the like (feel free to copy me too!) And instead of giving out MM to everyone that comes by, give them a nice yummy bite of seudah food and just save my MMs for the few lonely ppl that arent getting much!

    It will save me money.
    And it will give them nourishment.
    And I will be yotzei anyway with the few real MMs!

    Why didnt i think of this til now?

  29. I live in a development and the MM has gotten so small and chinsy that there is one counter full of “stuff” at the end of purim. We get lots of two- three item packages in a box from wholesale websites- totalling under $3/unit. It’s very tasteful. Sometimes its a homemade cookie or danish with an iced coffee. Sometimes its organza bag with a grapejuice. Sometimes a roll with cream cheese, or bagel with lox, yogurts with granola and salad packages…People have really cut out the ‘fluff’ from my youth where the average package was $5-$10 and 10-12 inches wide (in Lakewoood). We rarely end purim with enough pastries for our coffees for a week to come and some odds and end nuts and chocolates. Im impressed with the way mishloach has become about the ‘token’ not about outdoing the next one. Save your money for the rebbeim and teachers. Kudos Lakewood.

  30. my understanding is that if you feel you offended someone during the year, you bidavka give that person shaloch manos to show that you didn’t mean to offend. that is the reiyus you are supposed to create. I have yet to see anywhere in sefarim where is says you must give teachers and neighbors and business associates and baby sitters and 2 year old freinds of you kids, etc. By hte way, as far as gifts to the poor I wish to relate a story here. I once was aware of a family who could not afford meat for purim. A gevir didn’t send them a cheap jar of pickles as was suggested, he sent a full platter of coldcuts and other stuff to be eaten AS the seudah. Higher level. Also it;s great to give money to aniyyim in need but how about getting them a job, or a Better Paying Job – highest form of tzedaka is to put them on their feet financially so they can be independant. A Freilichen Purim to all

  31. A true friend doesn’t concern themselves with who does or doesn’t give!

    Do what you want and what you can. It’s about being Mikayem a mitzvah though it has gotten out of had with expectations and money being spent & wasted like garbage over stupidity instead of giving money to where it’s truly needed and can be greatly appreciated!

    Get a grip! If someone is offended – that’s their issue!

    Living in Lakewood, we all feel so threatened by what our neighbors think and feel – if we wouldn’t feel the need to befriend every Person we live near, we wouldn’t have such an issue!

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