PHOTO: A Lakewood mother penned this letter to her high school daughter’s school

A Lakewood mother makes her point with a bit of humor.

Should schools be giving high school girls tests before Yom Tov?

Weigh in.


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There are 41 Comments to "PHOTO: A Lakewood mother penned this letter to her high school daughter’s school"

  • Mrt says:

    Not every time someone has a gripe must it bother them. Not every time that someone has a gripe that bothers them must it be expressed. Not every time someone expressed their gripe must it be put on the internet for people to weigh in. Not every time someone has a gripe against the gripe that bother people,are expressed and put on the internet must some smart aleck gripe about it in his comment.
    In short: EVERYONE, STOP COMPLAINING SO MUCH (even if you think you have reason to).

  • Ha Lachma says:

    I trust she does not have other daughters she will try get into this high school. Between the sarcasm and publicity, most high schools would not be receptive.

  • Its says:

    This should be nothing wrong with the school giving a test during this week. The problem is when schools give tests that the kids have to study for at home. The point of a test is to try to encourage the children in school to do their best not to go home and study for hours on end.

  • Willy says:

    No they should not have any home work.
    Yes, there is 1 type of home work that she should be getting, is how meany hours did you help her mother in the house, or take care of the little ones in the house.
    This whole home work is a disaster, but I guess that is for a different time.

  • New reality says:

    It’s an issue that many of the girls schools have. Their hashkafas are not really in line with our mesorah but more inline with the feminist agenda of gender equality. The new “Rebbitzen” plays the role of a female Rov. Not the role of “Rebbitzen” of our mesorah that would be the ultimate example of עקרת הבית.

    • Friend says:

      perfectly said.

    • me,myself&i says:

      If anyone would see the curriculum of Sarah Schenirer’s seminary they would be quite surprised at how much they learned. Was Sarah Schenirer A”H a feminist? It was determined then that times have changed and women have to know more than they used to in order to remain frum. You can argue about the actual amounts, but learning for girls on high level is not a feminist thing.

      • nyj says:

        People have forgotten that Sara Schenierer’s seminary was extremely picky who they accepted into the school. It was a Teacher’s Seminary, and the students had to learn alot in order to go out and teach in the Bais Yaakov schools. Not everyone was considered capable of doing so.

  • Steinberg says:

    She is a teenager. Her job is school. Its nice that she helps you but no, she is in school.

    They also can’t have tests next week becasue Shavuos just ended. And summer is around the corner.

    • nyj says:

      What would this mother say if they gave tests the week after Shavuous? They would say let the girls finish the tests before Yom Tov, so they can enjoy Yom Tov without worrying about tests! You can never win!

  • concerned parent says:

    and what happens if they don’t know every kli yakar and lihavdil algebra. Nothing. ……

  • Confused says:

    Apparently the knowledge of what a true Bas Yisroel should do is more important than actually carrying it out!!

  • anonymous says:

    A lot of kvetching, judging and dismissing!
    Perhaps if someone asked the school why they are doing it, they would receive an explanation they could understand and appreciate. Try it.

  • anonymous says:

    years ago growing up in Brooklyn we had finals and regents the days before and days after shavuos… meaning we were studying on Shavuos. I think that is a lot worse – what does this mother need so much help from the teenager for anyways… Shabbos is a regular Shabbos and whatever the mother can’t cook in advance can be cooked on yom tov itself. its not like the house needs a better cleaning than for a regular Shabbos. What about the families without HS girls you think they aren’t going to make yom tov. I think what she is trying to say is that the girls in HS need to study way too much always.

  • Alan says:

    The whole system is backwards. Out of control. A teen age girl’s place erev yomtov is at home helping her mother. Period! Grade her on compliance, participation, classwork, hashkafa, and the occassionally scheduled exams. NOT on 3 exams BEFORE YT.

  • Girls should help their moms says:

    I agree with number 4 and all the moms expressing how ridiculous homework and tests are in general, forget this week! Homework and tests for this week should be helping their Mom and doing so happily. School is important however chinuch comes from the home and the girls should be reinforced for helping in the home verses for getting 105 on their test. Someone expressed why girls have to help? Because thats what a healthy family structure looks like. Perhaps they dont have money for full time help or even a few hours a week of cleaning help. Girls should help and trust me – it will help them in life in the future.

  • lkwdmom says:

    It’s obvious when men (who are not involved with or aware of the degree high school girls need to be studying n “hmwk-ing” these days) or mothers are writing these comments- if you’re not directly involved, you can have lots of oppinions but you are very uneducated in today’s over-hmwk-ing problems. Know that you don’t know. Good for this mom to be writing this- there needs to be balance!

  • NotSoLazyWifeOf12 says:

    Why is your Daughter or Son waiting to study at the last minute ?
    Why is your Daughter or Son thought to ‘cram’ for test?

    In fact why are you waiting to the last minute to prepare for a three day Yom Tov ? It was on the calender for a while. You knew that this year Shavous is a three day event. Why wait to the last minute ?

    Do we have to continue ???

    best to stop now while your ahead.

  • my2cents says:

    if the test is this week. she should have been studying last week…

  • Commenter says:

    Yes… but what about the all girls in homes with poached cleaning ladies? The girls will waste their time and have nothing to do. The tests are likely meant for them so that they fill their time productively.

  • Dovid says:

    If only the mother was willing to pay the neighbors cleaning lady a bit more she would have as much help as she wanted

  • Moshe says:

    Ridiculous . A lot of the high schools are giving off both Thursday and Friday of this,week so the teachers and students can help make Yom Tov . 2 full days off is enough to help your mother . Oh ,I forgot she wants to go spend time with friends and hang out at the mall also , on her day off . Stop kvetching.

  • Alan says:


    Can’t wait to meet your husbands – ALL 12 of them!

  • Kelly says:

    Dear TLS,
    Thanks for this letter. At the end of your post you write “weigh in”.

    Before Yom tov this got me especially concerned with my weight. Please try avoiding such terms 🙂

  • Ty says:

    Ridiculous! Give it up and learn to live with it!! This is life, and your daughter is doing what she is supposed to be doing , which is school!!! We want our kids to have off, not to have off, to have more tests, no tests close to y”t, they should have school shabbos, no it costs too much etc. Live with the life you’re given and ask God daily!!!!!

  • cool masmid says:

    I just want to say what’s on my mind and perhaps I will say it to the school that my girls attend one day. Almost and it’s almost everytime that I ask my two girls to do an errand, help out with younger ones or help out with chores in the house, it’s always the same thing; I have too much homework. I have to study. When I need my girls to babysit they say ‘I can’t, I have to go to a friend to study’. And as much as I’m hurt at my girls attitude towards helping out in a home where both parents work so they should have all that they want – ‘like everyone else in the class’ but I’m more so angry at the schools for robbing away from us and many parents any little bit of downtime. Between my learning schedule, work and all else either I or my wife has to do all that our girls could have so easily have done if they weren’t overburdened with homework. I’m not only blaming the schools but they are plenty guilty of making sure parents shouldn’t have a minute of time for themselves. I tell my kids constantly if you this and this I could learn more, eran more money. It’s always the same it’s not my fault I must do this or I will get into trouble.
    Someone is going to answer for this one day…

  • Momma Bear says:

    Glad this lady wrote that letter. It’s probably my daughter’s school and I know the owner reads the scoop.
    Please you hve absolutely no idea the stress , anxiety that you cause with too much homework, tests and reports.
    And please dont say “if you dont like it, find another school”
    You know good and well that we parents dont have a choice here in Russia ( Lakewood)
    Us parents should be able to have some input

  • Introspective says:

    What percentage of girls help when they have off? I see them everywhere other than home. Your daughter may be the exception but if my eye sight isn’t failing me, not the rule. Schools wants girls occupied, not hanging out and spending thumeir parents money and bored. Sorry in advance for saying the truth.

  • Principal says:

    I am a long time educator. While I truly understand the frustration of correct balance of appropriate testing and homework a comment about “paying your salaries” is ridiculous. Take it from someone who has been in chinuch for many, many, years. No one goes into this field for money. We do for the passion and love we have for teaching. It is the most unappreciated and underpaid field. It involves in school work plus many hours of homework! Please remember that, and please do not talk about money. We are lucky we still have people that are willing be Rebbeim and teachers. They are truly doing it Lshaim Shamayim.

  • mendel says:

    Teaching girls to help in the house is a big part of Chinuch. Charity starts at home. Teaching girls to prepare for Yom Tov is also a very big lesson in Chinuch. How are they going to learn and experience this part of their teenage years if the school does not teach this??? and encourage their students to become the best mothers they can be??? Test and homework can wait a few days. Yom Tov is so so important. shame on those of you that do not understand this very important part of chinuch. What lesson are we passing on to our daughters with this type of irresponsible mindset. the letter writer is 100% correct. lets daven the schools do teshuva.

  • Momma Bear says:

    Excuse Me Mrs. Principal.
    We do pay tuition. And believe or not, we are actually the parents who gave birth to the children and raise them 24/7. Shouldn’t we be allowed to voice our dissatifaction at having out daughters overwhelmed with work Erev Yontif?
    Schools aren’t oligarchies! And while teachers may not make a lot in salaries, parents really do pay a lot of tuition and deserve to be heard, like this letter-writer

  • Eli says:

    If Mom has a valid reason why she might need her daughters extra help speak to the teacher. I’m sure the religious schools that you place your children, know quite well the cultural needs of your family and would be happy to accommodate your daughter. Whether its now or anytime you have a family need.After all our Torah tells us. Teach your children ALPI DARKO written by Shlomo Hamelech in safer Mishlay.
    Have a wonderful Yom tov celebrating the giving of our Torah

  • concerned parent says:

    problem here is this. too much demand and too little room in the schools so they feel they can do as they want. A united parent body can demand change and get it. First with the teacher and if teacher doesn’t listen then go united to the head of the school. only way to get change done. there is strength in numbers

  • Weather man says:

    I think the problem is that we think we need 10 course meals by every meal you tov we should put our mind more in to the yom tov what it’s all about not the food then we won’t need the help if we will just have meat and potatoes we will be fine
    Old lkwd

  • Nechama says:

    I just got married, straight out of school, and looking back now I think it is so crazy how we spent 4 years of high school with such pressure instead of being there to help our mothers. I was a very good student, but trust me, I don’t even remember what I learned and it has no relevance to my life now. I just think it’s ridiculous that we have to sit and memorize entire perakim in Yeshaya, as if it helps you be a better wife and mother…

  • moshe rebitzin says:

    once we are on this topic

    how about no school on friday so girls can help & have school instead on sunday so parents dont have to spend time & money entertaining & shopping etc

    would be a win win

    parents can then also afford tuition !!!

  • Ruchy says:

    Nechama dear it’s so sad the all the Torah that you learned in school has no relevance to your life now. You should know that you are primarily a bas Yisroel and second a wife and mother. Your inner life, your Ruchnius is the most important part of you that is what we take with us eternally. Some woman don’t get married or have children yet they are stil whole and complete yidden. Woman must nurture their relationship with Hshem as much as men. High school is the time to be able to do that before the responsibilities of adulthood weigh us down..I’m all for kids helping at home it’s part of a healthy family dynamic. But to say that Torah doesn’t have relevance to woman after graduation is appalling. I hope this isn’t how most newly marrieds feel. Ko somar Le Bais Yaakov!! I hope everyone has an uplifting and easy yom tov.

  • somebody says:

    It’s just very funny.
    I think the school had a good laugh. I did!
    She’s right though… who’s going to argue that?
    It’s not so fair for school work to take all of the girl’s spare time.
    I just love the way she expressed it.

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