By Aaron Neuman. Recently, a teenager from Lakewood went missing. After a search by hundreds of volunteers, he was finally located, safe and sound. While I generally don’t write opinion pieces about local stories, I felt compelled to write the following as I was shocked by what I was seeing and hearing, and what seems to me to be a disturbing trend.
As the harrowing story unfolded, information came pouring in from Whatsapp and social media. It began quite benignly, information regarding the clothing he was wearing and the medication he urgently needed. But it then took a dramatic shift to the personal. Within several hours, I learned the most private and intimate details of this teen, information nobody involved in the search and not in his personal circle of family and friends had to know. Yet the information was being shared with everyone, everywhere.
This is unfortunately not the first time I have seen this happen. It seems that whenever a crisis or tragedy strikes an individual or family, their personal information is thrust into the spotlight, of course in the name of “helping them”. But 99% of people receiving their information have no use for it. Rather, the information is shared because it’s ‘hock’.
While we may forget the details about people that were shared with us once the crisis is over, the people involved in the crisis never forget. Imagine for a moment that your most private details, whether it’s mental illness, shalom bayis issues, or financial struggles were suddenly shared with the world. Even once the crisis is over, those involved have to come to terms with their entire lives being put on public display. It can be devastating; I would argue that it’s often more devastating than the original issue that was being dealt with.
How can we, רחמנים בני רחמנים be so cruel? How can the same people that leap to help and be there for people who are struggling, be so callous with others’ private information?
When there is a crisis that the community is involved in, the only information that should be shared is that which is directly pertinent to the situation and which must be known. For example, in the search for the teen, people had to know he was a diabetic. Nothing else should have been shared. It is shocking to me that this even needs mentioning. This is the most common-sense policy I can think of.
Keep this in mind: if you’re involved in a difficult situation and you share private information that the public has no need for, you’re not only not providing a solution, you’re actually part of the problem.
I hope this article at the very least brings some awareness to this disturbing issue.
Although some people might look at it as “hock”, I think the details are extremely important how is anyone supposed to spot him if there’s no details?
Ag… we are not talking about those kinds of details here.
Maybe the problem actually lies sonewhere else? How come I didn’t see or get any of the messages you are describing?
The fact that you don’t see them doesn’t mean they don’t exist. While it’s great that you have better things to do with your life, unfortunately, there are many who do not.
I didn’t get any of the messages you are referring to because no one texted or emailed me.
Until your letter I knew nothing of the things you mention in your letter. I think your letter in general brings out good points about sensitivity . But why make people that don’t know otherwise about this specific incident now think that there’s more to the story or something that they don’t know.
U took the words right out of my mouth @bruce. While the point of your message is correct, i had no clue there was personal info to this story
If you haven’t heard anything, good for you, but it seems like many have heard unnecessary private info, and that’s who this post is directed to. Very important message…
Maybe it’s your problem for have WhatsApp & social media. The Gedolim forbade it yet you have it. Its not your business to police the world, rather take care of your own neshama & get rid of it. I got rid of it a while ago, & feel liberated!
That’s your conscience talking. The Gedolim forbade the INTERNET, not just social media. You want to feel good about yourself so you downplay it. They also said that certainly, those who need it shouldn’t be using for anything other than work. So you need to choose if you listen to them or not.
Wrong! Social media is a weapon that can do irreversible damage. Please quote the rav who banned filtered internet besides for work
Nothing new here!! wattsapp groups are toxic and my life has changed for the better since I dumped it!!
I think the main point being expressed here is that we have to be very careful with what we say or write. And since it is not easy, we need to daven to Hashem to help us know when and what to speak, and when to keep silent.
I am still distributing two tefillah cards l’ilui nishmas Rivka Mindel bas Naftali, a”h, and Shmuel ben Moshe Eliyahu, a”h. The first tefillah by the Chofetz Chaim, ztl, asks Hashem to help us use proper speech throughout the day and not say anything forbidden, and the second tefillah by R’ Nosson, ztl, student of R’ Nachman of Breslov, ztl, asks Hashem to help us judge others favorably and find the good in others.
If you would like to receive these free laminated cards (plus the beautiful Todah tefillah by Rabbi Alexander Ziskind, ztl, please email your name and full address to [email protected]
May the shalom that results from these efforts bring an aliyah to the neshamos of these two children – and bring refuos and yeshuos to Klal Yisrael and the entire world.
#THINK
Well said. Thank you
GET OFF WHATS APP and ALL OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s your problem!
Don’t go on them and wonder why you’re not seeing such kosher talk…
Did it dawn on anyone that much of the “information” is false? A combination of people’s assumptions, misinformation, and exaggeration.
We have a tendency to consume the more thrilling details that are fed to us, but it my not all be accurate.
thank you so much for writing this!! alot of us are thinking the same thing!
I don’t think anyone means to be cruel as your letter states. However, your point is VERY important in today’s day of age. I personally also heard nothing of what you refer to but…………that is one of the reasons I don’t have whatsapp, facebook or twitter. I seem to be managing without everyone “liking” what I ate for supper last night. It is sickening how social media has taken over so many of our lives even though most of us have large families ka’h. I went to eat out with my wife yesterday (upstate NY) and at one point noted that EVERY SINGLE adult woman in the store was on their smartphone. Every one. There was a mother and son (11 or so) both on phones, mothers face was literally glued to the screen, her 3 year old with the grandmother. Mother didn’t even pick her head up when they called for her food, her son went to get it! I’m not stupid enough to buy into what some people may say- it’s business etc… I thank Hashem that my wife (and I) has more important things to do and is FAR from addicted to her phone.
I got WhatsApp for a business deal and was on a few groups after that but stopped using it when I saw what it was about. Nothing to do with frumkeit. Excuse me for using the word but it is a cesspool. Those who are there know what I mean. And that’s without even discussing the inappropriate male/female interactions that go on in many of the groups with males “liking” or “tagging” females and vice versa (if you are not on social media you won’t know what this means, but it’s a huge tznius issue) and other such interaction that would never take place outside of social media. Anyone who takes a moment and thinks about what kind of person they were before they had a social media presence, and what they are immersed it now that they are active on social media would probably take the same step i did
Now I see that this entire discussion is about WhatsApp, the person writing this letter has a very strong good point and all you people here are talking and bashing the guy with WhatsApp! It’s not about this it’s about the sensitivity of others people.
I have what’s app and silence the narisha stuff . It’s very useful and user friendly . You can send voice notes etc … If you use it strictly as a way to make your life easier I don’t see any problems . Even if here and there someone sends a cute cartoon or joke , it’s kosher fun . Lots of chesed is done on it too . Let’s not add so many unnecessary prohibitions . Put the narisha chats on mute and you will only have the Malalas