To my dear brothers and sisters – the beautiful Klal Yisrael,

I write this letter to you with my heart filled with an intense mix of sadness, love and pride. In a couple of hours I will be getting up from sitting Shiva for my delicious little 3 and a half month old son, Pinny, A”H, who we will miss terribly-forever.

It has been by far the most painful, and at the same time, the most beautiful and awe-filled week of my life.

My intention in writing this letter is NOT to make anyone sad-quite the opposite. But we learn that v’hachai yeeten el leebo, and I feel at this moment that I have my head screwed on better than it’s ever been, so I have an achrayius to share my thoughts and feelings as it may be of help and chizuk to others.

First and foremost, I’ll tell you what I’ve told everyone who came to be Menachem avel: I have never, ever felt so not alone in my life. I could, and probably should, write pages and pages of the small and huge maasei chessed that I have experienced this past week.

As I told the many Chashuv Rabbonim and Roshei Yeshiva that came, it is impossible that Hashem is not bursting with pride from how his children care for each other. “Mi Keamcha Yisrael Goy Echad Ba’aretz”. There is no one like it, we are truly one. I truly feel that my pain is your pain, and that makes it much easier to move on.

What’s the point of a Nesayon? If Hashem knows everything that was and will be, why test us? He should know the results, right? The Torah hashkafah as I understand it, is that of course He knows what we are capable of. The point of a nesayon is to grow. Hashem gives us a test, that is a real test. Meaning, if it was very, very simple and easy, that’s not a test, it’s a joke. And if it’s something way beyond our abilities, then it will simply crush and destroy us- that is not a test. A test is something that is at the brink of our capabilities, something that bederech hatevah is just outside of our reach. But when we push ourselves, and keep pushing ourselves to do the best we can, then boom- Hashem gives us the extra siyata deshmaya that we need, and we are now at a new level that we never were at before.

Just to give a simple example to make it more real: let’s say I am your basketball coach, and right now you’re able to make 2 out of 10 shots from the free-throw line. If all I do is hope and suggest that once in a while you make three out of 10, that won’t do much for you as a basketball player, you won’t grow and change. If I just yell at you, and demand that you consistently make 10 out 10, which is impossible, you’ll just be crushed and give up. My job as your coach is to assess you well and look deeply into you and set a goal that I know you are capable of- so I’ll say, hey, I want you to make 4 out of 10 consistently, and you’ll cry and say that it’s impossible, you can’t do it, it’s too much and not realistic. And as your seemingly tough and demanding, but truly caring and loving coach, I will simply tell you to get to work- I want you to start practicing more daily, stretching, exercising, aiming, dribbling, drills, etc. And you know what? when you push yourself and do it, you transform. You are now at a whole new level that was truly impossible before, but now became the natural, new you.

The idea of a nesayon is from the lashon of nes- lehisnoses- like a banner, to rise, to shteig, and that is my job now.

But, it is also your job, because you are my brothers and sisters, and we are all in this together. We all have to grow- this affects all of us.

Shacharis will be soon. I will soon have to get up from shiva and face the world. I am frightened of this next stage up ahead. I hope I can be there for all my children and for my wife, so that we can all move forward and grow as a family and individually.

Because the clock is ticking, I feel pressured to share with you that which is most germane. I wish I could share with you all the beauty and majesty of klal Yisrael. I have never been so proud to be a frum Jew. I am trying to boil down my thoughts, and as I write this, it is becoming clearer:

The Gemara towards the end of Makos tries to “condense” the entire Torah into the fewest mitzvos/middos…. I won’t go into the details, but Chavakok states that what it all boils down to, is “Tzadik be’emunaso yichyeh”. To greatly oversimplify, a Tzadik, from the lashon of Tzedek, is someone who always tries to do what is right in the Eyes of Hashem- lives by his faith. We say, actually Adam Harishon said, “Lehagid baboker chasdecha, ve’emunascha balaylos”. In the morning , when things are bright and sunny, we can clearly see all of Hashem’s chessed (and it just occurred to me, that it’s belashon yachid, because our whole life, is one big huge chessed- Chessed Hashem kol Hayom). It’s at night, when we cannot see clearly, that we need our Emunah. We must have faith that just as when things are clear we see Hashem’s chessed, now that things are painful and unclear, Hashem’s chessed is still a constant. It is 100%. Always. This is where our leap of faith comes in.

I would like to give everyone in klal Yisroel, my wonderful family, a gift. I think about parenting a lot. A lot, lot, a lot. It’s something that I am passionate about. It means everything to me.

Like Chavakok, if I had to boil down everything that I know about parenting, the one tip that I can give you which will transform you as a parent, help you and your children blossom, it comes down to this one simple thought: Enjoy your children. That’s what it is all about.

I know that you are rolling your eyes, and probably saying, gee, thanks, that’s your big tip?! I will try to quickly explain:

First of all, again to oversimplify, why did Hashem create us? Does He need anything from us? Does He need me to put on my tefillin or do mitzvos? Chas veshalom, Hashem doesn’t need anything. He created us for the sole purpose of being Maitiv to us, to bestow His goodness upon us (hakdama, Mesilas Yesharim). The best recipe for happiness is a beautiful life of Torah and mitzvos, so that is why He gave it to us, so we can have tov and simcha in Olam Habbah AND Olam Hazeh. When we enjoy our beautiful life as Torah Jews, all the wonderful gifts that Hashem gave us, we are kevyachol making Hashem happy. We blossom as Torah Jews and fulfill our tachlis and the tachlis of the world. Hashem wants us to enjoy this world, and I can’t think of a more precious gift/pekadon than the delicious children He’s given us.

Secondly, there is no one that can build our children more than their parents. No one. When you sit and kvell and truly enjoy your child- right now there is nothing else in life- I am 100% focused on you, my delicious child- I am 100% in the moment with you- it’s the biggest gift that you can give them. I can’t explain in detail, so please spend a few minutes trying to understand the depths of this. Children are ego-centric, and when you look at them with unconditional positive regard, and look at them as truly amazing and wonderful, they will blossom and grow, and become truly amazing and wonderful human beings who believe in themselves. Simply because they’re parents truly believed in them.

The more time you spend enjoying your children, and saying “wow”, the less time you’ll need to say “no”, “stop it”, or “don’t”. Please let this sink in. it is a very powerful yessod in chinuch.

I have to go daven shachris in a few moments. It’s already past dawn, the sun is coming out, a new day is beginning, and the beauty of life is becoming more visible all around me. It’s time to thank Hashem for all the beauty He surrounds me with, and the beautiful people that I am blessed to be part of. Me Keamcha Yisroel Goy Echad Baaretz.

With much love,

Your brother,

Eliyahu Weinschneider