By: Baruch Rivlin. As schools begin letting their students out for extended midwinter breaks, parents are rightfully worrying, as they do each year at this time. Smack in middle of the winter, as parents are doing their best to work and provide a living and education for their children, they suddenly need to drop their occupations and bring their kids on a vacation, simply so that the children don’t throw a fit that their friends are vacationing while they are not. With the inconvenience it causes parents, I wonder why this remains an issue that has yet to be properly addressed.
It is no secret that most of us struggle to get by. I refer not to the truly poor people, but to the average blue-collar person, working long, hard hours to provide sustenance to their families. With wages stagnant and costs rising, it is necessary for many to work overtime or even undertake a second profession to simply be able to afford the basic necessities. It is not uncommon for parents to lack the resources necessary to put away a few thousand dollars a year in order to be able to pay for their children’s future weddings. For the average person, an unexpected expense, such as a broken car transmission, can be a panic-inducing incident. Not to be cliché, but money doesn’t grow on trees.
And then comes midwinter vacation – children on a high, and parents in the dumps. While wealthy families pack up and head for ritzy vacation destinations without batting an eyelash, the average person, whose kids are also expecting to go away, are getting palpitations wondering how they are supposed to afford a random vacation (on top of summer camp) while at the same time losing a chunk of their paycheck to be able to go away.
This is not to say that a midwinter break doesn’t have any upside – it does. The winter months are long and become a tremendous drag, an issue which a break can help with. A small vacation is also quite beneficial to teachers who put in tremendous amounts of effort toward the furtherance of our children’s education – a vacation is something they need and deserve. But at what cost does this come? No vacation should cause worry and concern for people. And yet the annual midwinter break causes worry and agitation for most parents.
It’s time to rethink the midwinter break. I’m not suggesting getting rid of it completely, but there should be safeguards in place to make it more bearable for parents. Perhaps kids should not have school for several days but be given homework so that it is not a “full” break. Maybe schools should set rules regarding what activities are permitted during the vacation. I know these two suggestions wouldn’t cure what ails the current system, but it might help alleviate some of the angst it causes.
I’m sure many TLS readers, being a bright bunch, and a large group having children of their own with midwinter breaks, have thought of this before and have ideas of their own on how to tackle this pressing matter. I would love to hear what other practical changes should be made to how things are done now.
It is possible to fix this. But until then, midwinter vacations should be banned.
It’s an old conversation that get revisited each year.
We all agree – but it won’t get resolved here.
Vacation. Spend time with out of state parents and grandparents. Going with the cousins from N Y on vacation Florida, Bahamas, Skiing. Having Fun. Having only Friday Sunday you cannot even get a Dr appointment. Thanks. Happy Vacation. I’m spending my Time in Charleston SC 12 hour road trip.
I agree that everyone needs sometime off but there is such a pressure to do something nice with your kids. Not everyone can afford to take their families to far away place for a few days. Not all working people can just take off.
What would be a good idea is for those going away to some nice place to not saying anything to the kids abou trip before hand.
This would elimate any problems with the classmates putting pressure on their parents.
A friend just told me that guys from her husbands kollel are all taking off the week to go to Florida because their wivies are pressuring them since everyone in the office were the wife works is going away. Sad that adults are also that jealous.
For years our grandparents taught their children that some people do some things, others do other things. I work hard, out of the house, with a job that has no vacation days. My husband works full time out of the house too. Guess what? Our children stay home midwinter vacation and babysit their younger siblings. And you know something, because they were taught that this is the way we do things, they dont complain. They arent thrilled, but it is what it is. No one says you need to take your kids on vacation because the neighbors do. Grow a backbone!!
Why not just have a single day off every couple weeks. People can’t go to Vietnam or some exotic local and people get a little break. And kids won’t be going to CA or FL unsupervised.
I couldn’t agree more.
I only wish the “educators” will have a true sense of education.
Shiras chaim dosnt give off Tuesday
We go thru this every year and its not changing. One option would be is give off Friday and Sunday for the boys so families can go away for shabbos, and the schools can arrange a full day trip (so parents can go to work and parents wont have the pressure to waste money.) and the schools can have chaperones come on the trip so the teachers can have a break.
what i find most telling, is that if you are on social media. the number one question, no matter what the destination, is what can i do w my kids today! meaning they are still asking that question once they get to florida, or camelback, or Orlando. I vote for longer (all of) chanukah break and that becomes your winter vacation….
It is your job as a parent to explain to your children that x family goes away and we stay home. Sounds like you are also jealous of other people’s vacations and that is trickling down to your kids. My mother used to tell me, ‘sorry you picked the wrong parents’ in a joking way and that was the end of the conversation. Meaning, they do what they do and we do what we do and we don’t ha e to do what they do.
Start by being happy with your lot instead of complaining about it and your kids will follow. Until then, be prepared for the kvetching.
Maybe if all the Torahadika publication wouldn’t advertise these vactions. The kids wouldn’t know about them and the ones that can afford them wouldn’t go.
Maybe my suggestion won’t fully answer your question but it’s a step in the right direction. Perhaps you tell your kids a fundamental ‘yesoid’ in life in that not all families live the same lifestyle for a lot of different reasons but primarily because not families have the financial means . Kids have to be told from earlier on that not everyone has all that they want in life. And they should also be reminded that many have less.. and many have far less than them in life. I try my best with doing what I can for my kids and where I fall short and yes they complain but I remind them that their uncles and aunts on both sides of the family on the most part have more money than us and that they never see their parents complain or become jealous. The quicker they learn this all important yesoid in life the better off the children will be … and their parents will be as well.
I gotta hand it to you. You are the funniest guy in the world. They should give mid winter vacation in order to give more homework ! Either funny or clueless.
To all those who are saying that people are jealous
you try having your kids sit in school all day with there classmates who are
talking about there trip that they are going on with their families. Its not easy to listen and then go home and be told that we are not going anywhere. I understand that many people including myself are not flying anywhere over vacation if anything we are going on a simple day trip and my mother will take them the second day somewhere also simple. You could let your kids from here to tomorrow that everyone leads a different life and thats true but unless you spend the past week or so in your kids school you have to realize its hard to listen to everyones plans for break. Maybe a solution to ease the jealous would be for parents of those going away not to tell there kids until they leave. We go on vacation every summer for a few days and never tell our kids until we are in the car to go. It also makes it more fun when they don’t know where we are going.
Never understood how “everyone” goes on exotic vacations during Mid Winter. Since the boys don’t have off and most people have both boys and girls, how are they taking their families?
I love the fact that I do not have to wake-up my children for school for a few days. How many children in your kids class relly are going on a big trip? Maybe you send to the wrong school if everyone in your kids school is going on a ritzy vacation
the pop up ad for this very article (those pop up ads are seriously annoying) is for an Orlando vacation….
Vacation needed by all.
And high schools and elementary schools should be on the same schedule. Noone has to go away if parents are strong and sounds like a good idea that it shouldn’t be spoken about amongst friends (I guess children and adults!)
But if there is vacation then people want to spend time together as a family.
Before choosing a school for my children,one of the criteria that was important to me was that the parent body generally lived the type of lifestyle that I would like my family to live. Whether they had money or not wasn’t really the issue, it was more of a hashkafa issue. B’H I don’t hear kvetching from my children about going on any major trips as I don’t think it is a discussion among their classmates. Kudos to their schools! What’s wrong with Chuck E Cheese and some ice cream and spending some quality time together?
It seems the only problem the writer has is withstanding outside pressure from the rich ppl to go on exotic vacations. Well, learn to withstand. You’ll have the same pressure at ur bar/bas Mitzva, weddings, Chol Hamoed trips, etc etc. Vacations, as you mentioned, are a good thing. Period.
I don’t know where you people Live! In my children’s school and my neighborhood and my group of friends I know of only 1 who is going to Florida ( and they have grandparents there) everyone else I know does day trips!!and these are not poor people or kollel families !!!! I don’t know who you associate with!!! And all the girls high schools have a no Florida or LA rule. Yes we do plan day trips something for the boys on Sunday (when people are off from work anyways ) and one day trip for the girls! Nothing crazy doesn’t cost that much . And yes it disrupts my schedule but that is life
where on earth do you all live?! i dont hear about florida, i don’t hear about day trips. i know parents who go to work and kids who stay home and babysit and play with friends on the block. i am seriously scratching my head!
Stop looking at everyone else. I am sure many people are going on vacation but not EVERYONE! and I,m sure not the majority either.
We always seem to go through this, but school is not a babysitting service. Teachers and students could use a break during the long winter months. It’s inconvenient when you work full-time (LIKE I DO), but again, you shouldn’t be looking to the schools to be your full time childcare. Why not start a petition to have them open 24 hours so hard-working parents could have a break?
With regards to some kids being able to go on fun (read: expensive) trips, complaining about parents doing it or wanting to ban them isn’t the answer. Yes, writer, a lot of parents are richer than you, and can afford to treat their kids.Yes, it’s hard looking your kids in the eyes and telling them you can’t afford take them to Florida (the bare minimum of vacations these days), like the rest of their class. Banning trips and vacations or telling the wealthy to hide the fact that they go as if it’s something to be ashamed of isn’t the answer. Because it’s eventually not going to be trips your kids will be disappointed by. It’ll be schools, and wealthy michatunim, and the size of the ring/ wedding/ house.
There will always be people who are better off financially, and pretending otherwise or trying to pull people down to YOUR status or level is just doing your kids a disservice. Sit your kids down, have an honest conversation with them about realities (without bashing their classmates and their classmates’ parents), no matter how hard it may be…you’ll all be better off for it.
One of the dynamics of a large frum community is children from wealthy and not wealthy homes are in the same class and daven in the same Shul. This causes a social issue when it comes to houses/weddings /vacations etc… when really the two should not mix.
When you live out of town usually everyone is in a similar financial boat and you do not need to compete with your neighbor.
I think the above plays it a little into this. As people have already stated above you need to tell your children that in this family we do xys and so and so does their xyz.
Another thought is with my family we go on our vacation at the end of the summer when there is no school and camp. The kids know that is the trip for the year. We do not make big trips during mid-winter break.
pump farkert! out of town its one big mix. in town has rich neighborhoods and not rich neighborhoods
It’s extremely important for the kids to have mid winter vacation as it is the boys barely have anything at least don’t take it away from the girls now fact is most ppl don’t go anywhere major and if u ask ur kids they’d rather have midwinter vacation and stay home then not have vacation at all if we want our kids to grow up normal we better not cut out vacation all over the frum world schools give mid winter vacation with many schools giving off a full week lakewood ppl have to stop complaining about everything and just know that any adult who has to sit through school and do a mountain of homework every night and take endless tests would not manage without midwinter vacation fact is there are tons of adults who take vacations from work and go to eretz Yisroel or Florida in the winter it’s very healthy and beneficial for the kids to have vacation too they need it badly.
You just touched a raw nerve.
I’m a teacher and I work really, really hard.
This year my school and a buncha others already CANCELLED mid-winter break, thanks to people like you.
I needed this break and it’s a very long winter and a leap year.
Well, I’m just gonna take off anyways and recharge my batteries so I can teach better.
Thanks a lot buddy!
Sounds like you need a vacation.
The Coco Key post is pretty affordable dude.
My boys school has no mid winter vacation. Next time find a school that fits your ideals, and lifestyle.
Mrs k,
Schools ARE babysitting services. Is your child coming home with 8 hours worth of information every day? No. They are coming home bored and understimulated with the only positive of school being the social interactions and recess. You send them out for excruciatingly long hours mostly for the babysitting.
Let’s be real.
This is ridiculous, my kids need a vacation , it’s twice a year let them have a break. And vacation doesn’t say that i’m going to orlando, it means spending time with family
It happens to be there aren’t too many ppl going to Florida for midwinter but whoever goes I’m very happy for them my kids could desperately use a few days of warm weather and sunshine and would love to just get out and enjoy nice weather but it’s not practical for us to go at this point but every one needs to learn to fargin those that do go and just be happy that at least some ppl get to enjoy warm weather for a few days it’s a terrible thing when ppl are jealous of each other I’m hoping schools ignore the complainers and continue giving much needed mid winter vacation there are thousands of mothers that actually love it it’s a break for them from the morning rush the homework etc and the kids benefit greatly and are much more refreshed after
The author really is poor. איזה הוא עשיר השמח בחלקו
The only way I can afford tuition is by both my husband and I working. My job is not too happy every time I have to take off. Yom Tov vacation is a necessity but midwinter vacation is vacation for the teachers and stress for the parents who are working to pay those teachers. It may not be babysitting service but I can’t afford to pay them to teach my children if I can’t work when they take a vacation.
I totally get your feelings. We’re all human and often we look at others…However,
Why is everything a big deal and put up for discussion? Just do what’s right for you. Your positive attitude will influence your children and even if they’ll compare your family to others;if you stay firm in what you believe is right and in what you can do. The kids will sense it and eventually they’ll accept the reality. They will be just healthy and fine without it either. This is life. There are always going to be people around us that can do more, or afford more than us. Maybe think about those that have even less than you? Why look at those that have more? Trust me I’m in the same position and no, I never went on mid-winter breaks with my family. I don’t make a big deal and my kids don’t put too much thought into it either (unless I offer something to them). Banning or changing the way midwinter break is set to be won’t happen so fast and it’s not going to change us. You will always have situations that your kids will say why why why. Everyone should live according to their means.
Good luck!
It’s not the peer pressure that gets me, it’s that I have to work and my kids end up staying home unsupervised. I like the idea of the school arranging a trip. The teachers need a vacation? Boo hoo, so do I.
Help. My kids are bored of Florida. How many times can you go to Parrot Jungle and eat and n restaurants. Now what do I do with them on winter vacation?
I once did this,
It’s a bit of work , but makes everyone happy.
Get a shaperone , Rent a bus and have a group supervised trip to skiing, snowtubing, Coco Key etc,
Your kids are happy,
Your bus is happy and ממילא you’ll be happy too.
It’s a bit of planning but its worth it
Kids need their vacation like adults need theirs. It’s their recharge of batteries.
Dont need to spend a lot.
Tke a few hours off and give them your undivided attention.
This is only an issue for those who became parent before they had what it takes to be a parent