Q: The Chofetz Chaim wrote a kuntress about the prohibition of shaving, and other gedolim also wrote about the importance of wearing a beard. What should a person do if his wife is not so happy about the idea?

A: What should a person do if his wife doesn’t want him to grow a beard? So, if he can afford a diamond ring, so he should invest the money. And if he can’t, it’s possible, little by little, with diplomacy, to convince her that a beard is a good thing. All things need diplomacy, and if you do it with chochma then I’m sure that in the course of time you’ll be able to win out.

Now, in the yeshivos in Lithuania before Wold War Two nobody had a beard. That’s a fact. Only the kollel people had beards. But the bochurim, even the old bochurim, nobody had a beard. Even in the American yeshivos, once upon a time, even the good yeshivos, nobody wore a beard. It was only later on, when the chassidish element came to this country more and more, it had a very big influence and people began growing beards as a result.

Now, you have to understand that hadras ponim, the beauty of a Jewish face,  is enhanced by a beard. A beard doesn’t take away the beauty of the face; on the contrary a male face is much more attractive when it has a beard. It’s like a woman’s hair. A woman without hair on her head, a bald-headed woman, she’s not attractive. A Jew without a beard on his face is not attractive.

However, not always it is possible to do it. You might have to be patient. And if you’re really interested in having a beard, you can consult somebody more capable of giving advice, and little by little, there are ways of winning her over.

Some people, for certain reasons, don’t grow their beards. Maybe they think that there are certain places, certain situations, where they’ll have more influence without a beard. And therefore, if it’s l’sheim shamayim, it could be that it’s the proper way to do.

But anything that you want of your wife, first of all דבר תורה מעות קונות, money and gifts always accomplish Torah results. Try it. Maybe you’ll succeed.
TAPE # E-139 (June 1998)