Letter: The elephant in the room

Throughout this unprecedented time, many חשובים across the board have put forth several ideas for תשובה and זכותים in order to bring an end to this awful מגיפה.

The predominant ideas have been the “simcha initiative” and the “put it away initiative”.

To the most part, these ideas have been prefaced by the notion that, with a lack of prophecy today, we cannot proclaim a reason for why Hashem has brought upon us this מגיפה. Nevertheless, we should take a lesson from the impacts occurring as a result of the pandemic and amend our ways accordingly.

In practical terms they’re saying that Hashem has effectively shut down our simchas, hence we should take a lesson from this impact to change the style in which we make them. Likewise, Hashem has effectively shut down our shuls, hence we should take a lesson from this impact to put away our smartphones during davening.

While I whole heartily agree with these initiatives, I am struck by something incredibly obvious.

Making an extravagant simcha is not violating anything in the Torah!

It is not one of the 613 mitzvahs or even an Issur d’rabanan. In fact, the גמרא in Nedarim 50B tells us that רבי made an exceptionally lavish wedding for his son without consequence.

And while hashkafically it is unquestionably inappropriate to bring a smartphone into shul, there is no clear violation for this matter in the Torah or md’rabanan.

There is, however, a serious and clear violation of the Torah that has been directly impacted by this pandemic in two distinct ways and, yet, interestingly enough, not a word has been mentioned about them.

Perhaps they are the elephants in the room. Perhaps individuals are afraid to utter them. Perhaps they are too sensitive of subjects to face. Who knows?!

But perhaps, just maybe perhaps, it is finally time to elicit them as a זכות to end this pandemic.

On this note, I daringly take the plunge.

It is absolutely forbidden by the Torah to cause distress to another fellow Jew – and surely not on a broad scale level.

The Torah cites this commandment numerous times, the latest in this past weeks parsha:ולא תונו איש את עמיתו ויראת מאלהיך כי אני יהוה אלהיכם

And now to the point:

Hundreds if not thousands of our Bnos Yisroel are in terrible distress today because of those in our community who perpetuate the problem with the “age gap”. They perpetuate an atrocious “מגיפה” by advocating our boys to learn in Yeshivas until they reach the ages of 22 and 23.

If we’re to apply this same logic of thinking, which is to measure-up and do Teshuva based on the impact of this pandemic, why not consider the fact that Hashem has effectively shut down travel for Bochurim to yeshivas as well as the shidduch parsha?! Should we not take a lesson to end this madness once and for all just like the lavish simchas and smartphones in shuls?!

ולא תונו איש את עמיתו ויראת מאלהיך!

Likewise, hundreds if not thousands of parents and children are in terrible distress today because of those in our community who perpetuate an atrocious “מגיפה” of establishing and running elite, discriminatory, and competitive style Mosdos. They reject earnest Bochurim trying to find their places in yeshivas, sincere girls trying to enter high schools or seminaries, and even elementary school children. In many of such cases, these rejections reach a breaking point that drive the distressed members from our communities.

And again, if we’re to apply this same logic of thinking, which is to measure-up and do Teshuva based on impact, why not consider the fact that Hashem has effectively shut down our Mosdos and the interviews and the farhers?! Should we not take a lesson to finally end this madness once and for all just like the lavish simchas and smartphones in shuls?!

It is noteworthy to mention here that this pandemic has left our children practically unscathed.

In the humble opinion of this author, irrespective of any reason for why Hashem has brought upon us this pandemic, it is high time that we finally put an end to these atrocious “מגיפות”.



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There are 65 Comments to "Letter: The elephant in the room"

  • what ??!! says:

    OK. Calm down.

    The age gap is only one of the reasons for the Shidduch crisis. If it was the ONLy reason, then there wouldn’t be any older single boys in our circles, which is, sadly,not true.

    As far as the schools, for you to blame the “elite” schools, which are bursting at the seams, for this pandemic, just shows a lack of understanding of the issues on your part.

    Hatzlocha Rabbah

    • chochom says:

      maskim all the way. Accusing bochrim of getting married at 24 like all their friends, and their fathers, fathers, fathers, father did, and saying that they are oiver on lo sonu is totally ludicrous and unfounded.
      same is for blaming schools for not accepting kids whos parents dont reflect hashkafos the school needs to be mechanech the rest of the kids.
      please, can every shnuk stop telling us why coronavirus came, and leave it up to the gedolim. Thank you

      • abe says:

        Completely agree.

        Additionally, pretending that boys can get married younger (and less mature) and have no detrimental impact on their marriages is foolish.

  • Proud to be a Jew like u says:

    Wow. Amazing

    Those are the most intelligent spot on remarks I have heard during this entire pandemic. Yaasher koach

  • chuchem says:

    Everyone twists the מגיפה to fit his agenda

    People don’t take דעות and מוסר from an anonymous letter writer very seriously

    • Truth says:

      Agenda or not, don’t kill the messenger. These points are too valid. The fact is, there are issurim d’Oraysa being committed, and lives being destroyed on a regular basis in these areas, and while I’m not out to judge people who couldn’t care less, anyone who’s serious about smartphones and toning down weddings best be serious about these issurim too, or I’m cautiously calling bluff.

      • Sammy says:

        Its not assur to not accept someone to my school. (i dont have one, i’m just saying)
        Its not assur to marry who i see fit.
        It IS assur to assume bad intent of someone who is muchzak l’kasher when thay do something that can easily be understood as good.
        Go figure.

        • Truth says:

          Maskim to you Sammy. I didn’t say those points were assur. I said there issurim being comitted in those areas, namely, hurting people (totally avoidable) in the process of doing the (muttar) job. Regarding the issur of assuming bad intent, maskim as well, which is why I said I don’t judge people. Everyone’s gotta do their own cheshbon hanefesh. But when I notice double standards, I cautiously call bluff.

          • Sammy says:

            No you missed the point my friend. It is not assur for me to make a good choice for myself because in some extremely gramadiga way, if its true at all, it negatively affects someone else.
            I may invest in a business even if there is someone else ess fortunate than me who could use it too. And surely if i dont even know of such a person, i just know the probability exists, theres gotta be someone out there who needs this more than me no? it is obviously not Ona’ah that he comes along afterward and feels bad about there being no available investments… same with shidduchim

    • Yehuda says:

      YOU GOT IT!!

  • Sara says:

    Thank you for sharing!
    You brought up such important points!

  • Sam says:

    In essence, Hashem is sickened by some girls and families being blackballed by shadchanim, community members, and rabbonim. He wants no part of the fake achdus speeches, etc. Now that Cuomo may allow minyanim of up to fifteen people, watch who gets forgotten. Soon dating as usual will start again. The question is whether the community has learned anything or will go back to the exclusivity that existed until now. If so, things can certainly backslide again. Watching with open eyes… but not holding my breath anything will change.

    • Sammy says:

      As someone who actually moved INTO this community from outside it, i take enormous issue with you r statements.
      first of all “the term Hashem is sickened” is kinda off.
      second, no one owes you favors. No one is trying to keep you from getting places. If you find circumstances difficult, you should do two things, look up, and look in.
      Very few times have i found someone blame others, be it parents, rabbeim, community, ect where they were correct. As if the circumstances weren’t hashgacha pratis, rather some evil person who has perverted the system…

  • Ani Momin says:

    This Magifa shows us we are not in control!
    Which applies to every facet of our life including Shiduchim! Yes controls that too
    Ani Momin she Borah Umnig!!

  • Social distancing says:

    Perhaps another elephant in the room to be considered, is the mandated social distancing… Has Hashem become so loathsome of A. Our despicable condemnation of one another for no just reason, our baseless hatred, and our rampant Loshon
    Hara that He cannot bear for us to live in harmony and unified again until we rectify our ways? Or perhaps B. Hashem has become so disgusted by our immodest and frivolous interactions between non-related men and women, whether it be at work, Shul, our children’s school functions, or our Simchos, that he has caused our places of work, our Shuls, our schools, and our joyous occasions to be cancelled and shut down? …. We don’t understand the ways of Hashem, yet I am sure we can all find our own elephant and find areas in which we can improve. May Hashem have pity and compassion and help us.

  • We need REAL change says:

    Klal Yisroel! Brothers and sisters! if we want moshiach to come now we can NOT slide back into the way things were before as if nothing happened. This magaifa was clearly directed to each and every member of klal yisroel. There is no person to whom this didn’t affect in one way or another. Each person knows for themselves what they need to work on. PLEAS!! let us ALL show Hashem that we took the messages – which can be different for each person, and let us show Hashem that we are truly ready to say Naaseh V’nishma again with renewed strength of kabolas haTorah and everything that comes along with it!!
    looking forward to greeting Moshiach at any moment! See you all in Yerushalayim!

  • just me says:

    u are most definitely entitled to ur opinion and u can even share it with everyone if u so desire (and apparently u do) however, just realize that u are taking what u specifically want changed, what ur agenda is, and finding ways to bring it out. the same way u take causing another yid distress and bring it to the shidduch crisis etc, i cud take causing another yid jealousy and come to the simcha initiative. just saying… and personally i’d rather take my mussar and lessons from rabbonim who sign their names and are not scared to show who they are. but thats just my opinion. hatzlacha with everything!

  • Muti Klein. says:

    I agree 10p% its about time we feel how it feels not being accepted into any lakewood schools and sitting with ur child at home alone without a school.I hope this school craziness will and I personally do not feel bad for averyone thats out of school now temporarily if we didn’t care and do anything if we were able to do anything for all these children that were sitting home before this pandemic started.

  • Muti Klein says:

    I hope we can now open up more zoom schools in lakewood to accommodate all the children that were not accepted into any schools so they can have an education and learn just like anyone else.

  • lakewoodKid says:

    It does say ‘kedoshim tihyu”, look at ramban to be perushim. I would think over-the-top simchos are definitely an issue with that. As for the shidduch piece, I got married at 23 to a 19 year old, so I guess I did the wrong thing and she wasn’t my bashert… Encouraging an early start to shidduchim is nice, but the vehemence with which you write against bochurim who learn until age 23 is alarming. However, the piece about rejection and elitism I agree with completely. Thank you.

  • Be careful says:

    If I were you, I would be careful how I word this letter as many Rebbeim have told bachurim to wait to settle down and be ready before starting shidduchim, To say that they’re causing a mageifa by learning is not correct. If you notice, the ads nowadays saying to start dating younger says clearly “at the advice of daas torah”

  • Daniel says:

    Thank you for bringing up these topics. As you say, nobody can say for sure, but using the same criteria, you have pointed out other very important areas in which we need much work. Matt we be zocheh to do the right thing!

  • preturbed bochur says:

    I cannot begin to disagree with you less. first of all, what is your raayah from the tannaim to nowadays1? They were much higher level than us and didnt get carried away wuth tons of gashmies and did it lishma. can you say that our weddings compare? and i heard from a gadol that bringing a phone thats on into a shul is being oiver on umikdashi tiraau. plus evryone knows how distractives phones could be which destroys kavana. do i need to be mairich about this, we all see it bechush! and shidduchim are also from Hashem no just corona just saying.

  • Steve K. says:

    We don’t know why things happen, but this letter writer is making very good points!

  • Avraham says:

    Some people make a mistake and they forget to turn off their phones.
    I heard a few times the phone ringing in the middle of Shmone Esrei.
    You mentioned that there is no Issur deRabanan. I don’t understand you.
    Also let’s pretend that you are the manager of the Human Resource department at Chase bank in NYC. You offer someone an interview .
    All of a sudden in the middle of the interview, the guy’s phone starts ringing and he looks to see whose calling.
    What will your reaction be?
    The story of Penina and Chana teaches us that if we are trying to correct another person, we need to do it in a soft, gentle and loving way.

  • Lkwder says:

    I heard that the mageifah came from the fact that too many people were learning bekiyus and not beiyun!

  • Emes says:

    Why should a yeshiva Mann’s kid who has no exposure to the Internet vechulu….. have to sit in the same class as someone’s child who is exposed to these LOWER standards. Maybe it’s time to realize that it’s not elitism but rather self preservation. (Besides for the fact that they probably ARE elite….)Buddy, it’s time to take a deep look in the mirror and stop blaming others for your life decisions which led to your problems. THATS THE DAAS TORAH!!

    • oy vey! says:

      To Emes: As I read the comments I appreciate all of the opinions and feel all points for and against are valid. I am responding to your letters in caps saying thats Daas Torah. Unfortunately, Rav Aron Leib Shteinman in the now well known clip strongly disagrees with you. However, since I do not know who you really are I won’t say that Rav Aron Leibs Daas Torah is right and you are wrong since maybe if I knew who you were I would agree your Daas Torah is for sure better.

      I guess self preservation in your level of Daas Torah overrides all else. Clearly your Daas Torah that you share seems to say Chayecha Kodmin comes first. Impressive (sic)

  • Who are you fooling???? says:

    And I heard it came due to the new trend of wearing front lace wig.

  • Matt says:

    Great. Lets substitute one pet project for another. “Never let a good crisis go to waste”…

  • Morde says:

    I think the mageifa came because anonymous letter writers dont care enough about our children to make more schools. Yet they blame it on others. There is a shortage of a few hundred slots in our girls high schools . Every year the high schools have increased their class sizes to try and accommodate as many as possible . From 25 per class to 30 and then 35 and then 40 and more . Even with multiple classes of 40 or more in most schools ,there will still be a major shortage of seats this coming year . If the anonymous letter writers would raise the necessary funds to cover the new buildings needed and the shortfall in annual operating costs ,there are definitely people who are ready to make more schools. But it’s easier for them to write anonymous letters blaming others for their inaction .

  • MG says:

    In Sefer Shmuel there was a magefa during the days of Dovid Hamelech because people were not asking to build a Bais Hamikdash. We are asking to go back to shul, to work, to school….

  • Mutche says:

    And I heard tat the Mageifa came from the fact that people were learning too much B’Iyun and not Bekius.

  • Uncommon sense says:

    Easy answer to the shidduch crisis: Let the boys marry at 23. Don’t let the girls marry before 23. That gives the girls enough time to focus on education and a good job, save up a little for life expenses. It will reduce some overcrowding at schools and give people more time to save for future tuitions.

    These girls don’t deserve to be old maids at 25. Not when it’s their job to support a learning boy, work, and raise kids. Let’s start treating them right.

    • maskim says:

      Maskim 100%. I’d like to add. A concerning factor in this is, that girls who are single as they stay longer in the parsha some have a trend downward in yiddishkeit. So before we start making girls wait, and even if we don’t, it is time for s/o to take achrayis. I would say the high schools/seminaries should. There is no reason why every yeshiva keeps connected to the bochurim. Yet the girls schools barely do. There should be melave malkas shmuesen shuirim and a whole array of other things to keep them growing in yiddishkeit, not trending downward r”l. After we establish that, yes, there is no reason why girls need to strat shidduchim at 18. Let them start at 22/23 and have a degree, money, and be more mature. It makes no sense to drag yeshiva bochurim into shidduchim at 21. almost all of them aren’t ready. i definetely wasnt and most of my friends werent either. Let them learn become more mature and get more ready for married life. In case you werent aware married life is a big achrayis. Having people get married younger, will just cause more divorces. Just take a look at statistics. To me the whole shiduch crisis response makes no sense, as it doesn’t solve the problem. For starters, even if boys start at 21, what about the girls that already are in this “mess.’ What are they chopped liver. Furthermore if girls are getting married at 19 and boys 21, you closed part of a so called gap. But there will still be a gap. They are also chopped liver. So lets get back to the planning board and think of better ideas. Hey, maybe like the one mentioned above. Wonderr why none of these ‘askonim’ thought about that. Hmm, i guess it isnt part of their agenda. Lets not forget about the older boys of which there are plenty, and no one addresses that. Hmm.

  • Bludman says:

    The noda yehuda made a takana against lavish Chasunas plus you have a din of עין הרעה and פירושים תהייו and run into a problem of showing off (גאוה)

  • Chana says:

    This author is TOTALLY SPOT ON

  • Concerned parent says:

    Shalom uvrocha to all the posters here. My dear freinds, let us take a step back a minute. Hashem Yisborach has seperated us with social distancing. As is if to say if you cant be nice to each other then ill seperate you and stop that stuff. As of now, no one is being agrivated by not getting into school for there is no school. No one is being overlooked in shul for there is no shul. We have a golden opportunity to resolve bein odom lichavero issues by just deciding to become ohavei yisroel. To look out for the less fortunate, to lift people ip instead of puting them or holding them down. Ask your self how will I help make the life of someone who is not a close freimd, how will I try to make his life better when this all calms down.

  • shimmy says:

    Writer is 100% correct.Age gap is not one reason but rather the ONLY reason for the shidduch crisis. If everyone dated same age, there would basically be a spouse available for everyone regardless of any other issues.It is only the uneven numbers caused by age gap dating that cause a mismatch and hence the crisis which drives so many other crisis as well. Besides the girls remaining unmarried just look how many people doing things to impress others to get ahead. All that is needed to resolve this is boys dating at 21. This is simple mathematics yet clearly not everyone is well versed in math. It would behoove everyone to stop and think about this for a few moments though as this is one problem where the solution is real simple.

  • RebRambo says:

    I love every yid.


    That’s it! I forgive all those that have spoken about or did things to me. And I hope all forgive me as well…

    Personally, I believe that one of the reasons behind this plague – Whose Name Shall Not Be Mentioned, yemach sh’moi -is due to the hundreds – if not thousands – of grammatical errirs, submitted by the commentators of this and many other websites.

    This in turn causes a tremendous amount of confusion and head scratching.

    And, as the saying goes, the rest is history…


    R.A.G.E. (Rise Again Grammar Experts)

  • Yaakov says:

    BMG’s freezer must go. It is a clear violation of Shulchan Aruch for a boy to get married past 20 for a boy learning. When boys are finish the “freezer” and get married they are 24-25 years is age. Bitul mitzvas piriya y’rivia!

  • Sincerely says:

    Not sure why you mentioned smart phones in shul. Any phone should not be permitted to be taken out in middle of davining. It is like telling Hashem hold on I have another call

  • HumbleOpinion says:

    I’ve actually been wondering…..A few weeks ago, on the wonderful Nesivos Shalom Shiur carried one the Scoop each week, I heard a line that has stuck with me through this crisis. Why does what one person have to improve in their life have anything to do with what someone else needs to improve?? Why has this crisis brought out all the “Agenda” people?? And have you noticed that everyone’s Agenda is about everyone ELSE of course! Not themselves!! THEY don’t have that problem! So essentially they are just saying that it’s “YOU” and NOT ME!! It’s the other persons fault and not mine. Why can’t each person just look inward and improve what he or she needs to improve? Have you listened to some of these renegade, ridiculous robocalls that people are throwing out there? Have you listened to the agendas these people have and demand that YOU follow them down their agenda driven path?? Have you seen some of the paid ads in the weeklies that you are forced to find on your doorstep? The ads that forget to tell you that they held a gun to some Rabbis head and only told him half a story and asked him to sign his name?? To push their agenda? Do you listen to the phone calls that tell you to defy doctors and go back to Shul because THAT must be causing the problems? Even though it may c”v kill someone down
    the line? That’s not an agenda??
    So….any improvement YOU can and should make in YOUR life is the right thing to do. If you feel your son should go out at a younger age, do that. Of course we should start caring about each other more. If you want to tone down your Simchos, Kol hakavod!! If you feel you should leave your phone out of Shul, do that. If you feel you should support your mosdos and Shuls more because they were closed, do that. They are all good things to do! But begin with YOURSELF. Look inward. Let’s stop the agendas and pushing things on other people. YOU don’t have to Zoom lessons if you don’t want. But stop saying that someone else can’t if it’s clearly the only way to keep their child in a seat learning for more than 15 minutes. Look at yourself. Start there. This world will probably look a lot better on the other side of this crisis if we stop the agendas and pontificating to others.

  • Yisroel Ahava says:

    The author speaks the truth about the fact that the town looks the other way and has come to accept the cruel school entry process as ” the system”.
    In the days of sefira so many have died” again”. Rabbi Anita’s Talmidim we are told we’re not nohag kovod to each other,what did they do i wonder? Maybe they had a school overcrowding problem bc the “schools couldn’t handle the growth of the community”,just a thought.
    It’s just odd,that sefira was always seen as a time to work on bein Adam l’chaveiro,and not one word about this,asking all of us to stop putting each other down,hurting each other,shaming each other,calling Yiddish kids” garbage,zeeborius,trash,sh’aar yerokus,p’soles,bottom of the barrel,all of which I have heard while trying to get yiddish children into our mosdos.It seems we have given up on addressing and doing t’shuvah about this horrible situation,It’s not even mentioned anymore in a time of sefirah when there is a full blown m’ageifah during sefira not seen in generations.What would it take for a ” new system” to emerge?Does H’kbh need to give us .ore pain,closer to the heart of the”system” ch’v?I wonder if in the time of R’Akiva if they had a school crisis,and were cruel to each other in the entry process,after all many wanted to give their children a leg up,bc they wanted the best for their child.Were the magidim of that time standing amongst the dying and not seeing the lack of kovod causing the destruction and an end of an era,and instead of creating a new system which is ” impossible,not practical,works for the majority,it’s their fault,who asked them to move here,it’s a private mossad,it’s not personal,you get what you deserve”,instead,the magiddim spoke about other issues that people were more open to listening to.So instead H’kbh ended one system and started another with five Talmidim,who each got the message,and pounded into their Talmidim to talk about this for 2,000 years every sefirah.It seems that we sadly needed another harsh reminder,so where are the K’abolos?
    Public proclamations guaranteeing every yiddish child a “b’kovodig” school entry experience,and for their parents as well? Publicly apologizing for the deep hurt inflicted on parents and their children,in the name of a system that destroyed their self esteem and left them deeply hurt and bitter.Who should appologize? Me,you,our neighbors? Why? We didn’t do this,we didn’t create the policies,we even disapproved? And what would a public apology do anyeays?What’s done is done,it won’t undo anything?We all witnessed hundreds of children,teens,parents in every neighborhood,every group,reaching all families,all types,that were badly treated,and didn’t gather in open protest,didn’t hold rallies to speak out,didn’t take our children out of schools that dod this to others ” because it worked for us(B”H),and what do you want from me? I can’t fix the world Yes we all owe hundreds and thousands ami get us an appology,apology, a pledge that we will never look away again,that’s how you stop a mageifah,and you don’t need start again with only five,r”l!!

  • Daddy says:

    We should also stop talking
    during davening

  • IMHO says:

    Humble Opinion is spot on. we could delete all the other comments and make sure everyone reads just that one.
    chazzak ve-ematz!!

  • Anonymous says:

    If you look at Pirkei Avos last week it says Mageifah comes because of immorality. We know that even things that come close to this terrible aveirah should be stayed away from. So let’s look where we can improve the morality of our society:
    1. Shidduchim: if you want to discuss the shidduch crisis – the rampant sending of single girls photos – not only causes real anguish to families that feel it is inappropriate but cannot get their daughter a date without it, but is a clear lack of the tzinius. The notion that “only the mother looks at it” is ludicrous – maybe it happens with brand new 22 year old daters, but most boys who’ve been dating for a while see a steady stream of girls’ photos – like it or not. This not only prevents many regular girls from getting a date, but causes much difficulty to the boys as well…
    2. “Coupling” – perhaps the social distancing is to keep families separate! Does anyone notice how Lakewood has changed in the last 10-15 years when men socialized with men and women with women?! Go to many a simcha, park, social event, and you will notice many couples shmoozing, etc. Let’s keep our families pure and separate.
    3. Styles = people think if you talk about something enough, everyone got it, it’s old. So yes, we know many will not listen, but shaitels have never been so grossly provocative, and skirts have not been this short in frum communities since the 1950’s.
    Wishing everyone the best of health in all ways!

  • Morde says:

    To Yisroel Ahava

    Your words are very nice in theory that we should announce that we guarantee every child an education. But it’s very easy to write words. The reality is that making schools costs a lot of money. Non of the people who complain about the problem are doing anything about that . The only people who are actually taking money out of their pockets are the handful of people who opened schools and filled them to over capacity. Especially for high schools ,we need millions of dollars to make new schools or at least help some of the existing ones build new buildings to expand. Then after the expansion,they need money to hire new staff . Nobody is doing this. We can only guarantee every child an education in one of 2 ways. Either chv go the public school system and take hundreds of millions of dollars from the school taxes ,or have our Tzibbur raise many tens of millions of dollars to build and run the schools. The tzibur has not done it yet. So writing nice thoughts and complaining about how bad the schools are ,might make you personally feel good ,but it wont create the schools necessary to educate our precious children . The only other solution is for every school to only accept parents who can pay full tuition of 7 or 8000 per year plus building funds of 10 or 20 thousand dollars to build the buildings. Since most of our tzibur can not afford this, this is also not a realistic solution. Before this pandemic ,there was definitely enough money in town if people wanted to raise the millions necessary to build new schools. Unfortunately nobody did it . It was left to a few yechidim ,who only got bizyonis and curses for their efforts. Now we might face a new financial reality and may not even have the resources to do it ,even if there was a change of attitude .

  • Wow wow says:

    You are not kidding!!! Humble Opinions comment is by far the most intelligent and spot on comment I have seen in a long time. Can you somehow feature that comment in an article or as its own post?! It should be required reading! For everyone. Thank you for the Chizuk.

  • Frank says:

    Love it. The guy who doesn’t talk in shul but has interest and makes fancy weddings says its because of all the taking in shul. The guy without internet but talks in shul and doesn’t make says it’s because of internet
    The guy who doesn’t make fancy weddings but has internet says it’s because of the weddings. It’s all because if the things that other people do. Let’s stop writing letters about what everyone else is doing wrong and just look at ourselves. Each person do what you think is right and stop deciding what everyone else should do. If you don’t think fancy weddings are correct then don’t make one. If you don’t think internet is good then don’t have it. You stop talking in shul. You stop posting on watts app and you do what you think should be done. Leave everyone else alone.

  • Agenda driven says:

    Every person and organization has an agenda and will use any situation to promote it. Some will claim its smartphones, some will claim it’s lavish simchas, bugs in the fruits and vegetables, the eiruv etc. everyone will always have “proof” the issue they are promoting is the only possible cause for the situation we fund ourselves in.

  • Frank says:

    Oh. And I forgot, the schools system is a big problem as long as you get your kid into the schools that you want. Then you can tell everyone else what’s wrong with the system.

  • New system says:

    We need big changes in several areas. Everyone has baggage. From the Elite down U all know who are. Just do teshuva. Come clean. Dont wait for Ellul, or for death. Do it now.

  • Jack Miller says:

    The “freezer” must go! bochrim must get married young.

    • nyj says:

      The freezer is three months!! Why is everyone making such a big deal about it? If you don’t like the freezer, you can go to a different yeshiva that doesn’t have one!

  • Great Idea says:

    Agree or not it’s a great idea especially for out of communities that have boys and girls home should chap a rein before this is all over.

  • many reasons says:

    Hashem doesn’t have to do things for just ONE reason. There can be multiple reasons.

    For those interested, study Shmuel 2, perek 21. There was a famine for three years. Hashem said it was for MORE THAN ONE REASON.

    It can be due to Full Lace Wigs which even women can not often tell apart from hair (seems to go against R’ Moshe psak on sheitels)
    It can be due to inappropriate use of internet via computers AND phones. (viewing bad things AND/OR reading Lashon Hara ec.)
    It can be due to not being careful with kavod to beis hakneses
    It can be due to excessive materialism.
    It can be due to not allowing fine boys and girls into schools for no good reason.
    It can be due to the terrible pain of older singles, and us not rectifying the situation adequately.
    We do not have the Urim Vtumim. But we must think.
    IT CAN BE FOR ALL OF THESE REASONS (and/or others)

  • shidduch crisis says:

    Again, here we go with people saying that boys should get married young. You could bring all the sources from chazal saying so. But we run our lives based on daas Torah. Daas Torah is the Daas that’s running our Yeshiva system. The askonim have already brought the idea to the Rabbanim and Gedolim offering this as a solution. We all know that the gedolim of our medinah, for the most part don’t hold this is the right solution. So why do people think they know better then the gedolim? This eitzah is old news. The gedolim don’t approve.

  • Joe says:

    I think many people are overlooking the most obvious connection here. Just last year, many schools and even shuls took the tremendous step to throw Yiddishe Neshomas out of school and shul because they chose to exercise their legal and Halachik right to make a decision about heir own children’s health and safety. Parents who spoke to their own Rabbanim about vaccination and were advised not to vaccinate were summarily expelled from Yeshivah until they deemed it safe to have these healthy Jewish children let back into school. Now, we find ourselves in an eerily ironic situation: All of our children who are healthy and unaffected by this disease were “thrown out of school” until the powers that be deem it safe for them to reenter. There were a number of shuls as well who threw other God-fearing Jews out due to their own medical beliefs and opinions. Is the connection not obvious here?!
    I am not saying that vaccination is good or bad. There are legitimate opinions and research on both sides. I myself vaccinated all of my kids until actually doing the research and deciding against vaccination for my baby under the guidance of one of the Gedolei Hador. I was appalled and shocked that Frum people would stoop so low as to prevent innocent and healthy children from learning Torah due to a controversial and arguable medical opinion.
    Any who made those decisions, or were in favor of them, should look hard in the mirror at the eerie similarity and the apparent Midah Keneged Midah in this Mageifa.

  • Doesn't have to be issur says:

    There can be many reason, whoever said the two you mentioned are just postulating those two. I don’t know that the rabbanim said those things more than anything else. But even if they did, to answer your question that those two are not issurim: A) there are many issurim involved; raising the bar, and causing others pressure, most certainly is an issur deoraisa (you will need an answer to the gemarra; we cannot pasken straight out of the gemrara, that is why the Ramba”m and Shulchan Aruch were written). But eve without that, sometimes even something which is not an outright issur can be worse, as it is sublte matters which the rabbanim understand, and those can lead to worse matters. Maybe making smaller simchos will lead to less pressure, and then a simcha will be even greater — leading to more simchos. Assisting with shidduchim is a great mitzva — most certainly, but these are also very important.

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