I recently had the pleasure of attending my first “corona” simcha.
It was the wedding of a relative of mine, and going into it I was apprehensive about what it would be like. I, like everyone else, was used to simchos taking place in halls, with waiters and platters and people galore. I knew this would be different, and I was wondering how, and just how bad it would be.
To my absolute surprise, the event was so beautiful, so personal, and so unique, that I am convinced that this is the way we should be making simchos going forward. The wedding, held in a backyard with just a small number of people in attendance, was gorgeous. There were small tables with just siblings and close family members, with others coming by to say Mazel Tov. It wasn’t an expensive affair, but small additions and personal touches made it so unique and different from every other simcha I had previously attended. It was truly refreshing.
For too long, our simchos have been commercialized. I can’t remember the last time I attended a pre-corona simcha that stood out and was memorable. Don’t get me wrong, every simcha is wonderful, but the way everything was done was the exact same as everyone else. Everything followed a script, everything went by what other people expected, and there was very little room for nuance and individuality. Baalei simcha who didn’t spend a boatload of cash to make their simcha different were all just doing the same thing as everyone else. There isn’t anything wrong with that, by any stretch, but it made all simchos somewhat stale, and they all just blurred together.
But with corona simchos, every simcha is unique and different. From backyards getting uniquely decked out for a vort or bris, to weddings taking place in beautiful, sometimes exotic locations, there is a distinct and refreshing difference. Every simcha is special, different, individual. There is no commercialization, no “follow the herd” mentality. Oh, and they are also much, much cheaper.
So, even when things go back to normal, if that will ever happen, can we please keep our simchos unique (and cheaper)? If there is one good thing that can come out of this whole debacle, let it be this.
Nice try. Ain’t gonna happen
You are so right ..I could not agree more.However its not happening as restrictions ease so will everything else..Lets face reality ..We are a community caught up in “Gashmius”.With all the excuses that come with it! Cars,houses, vacations will all go back to the “old normal”
Could not have said it better!!!
Good point! I just wish we would stop trying to undo everything! For example why in the world are girls schools open today? What are we teaching our kids???
Why do things have to go back to the way they were before? Why? You are so right when you say how nice and meaningful these Corona Simchos have been. Did you not feel the emotions inside while attending these very personal events? Wasn’t it nice to actually be with people who WANT to be and spend some time at the Simcha?? Do we not realize how ridiculous we have become with running into a Bris and stuffing a couple of Bagels in your pocket and running back out? Or taking your tie and hat out of the trunk to run into a wedding while telling the person you’re on the phone with to just hold on for one minute? Or answering that you’re coming to a wedding to stay only because you have to say that and only stay for 5 minutes? Someone just paid for that btw. Have you sat at a Chuppah with hundreds of people while almost everyone is on their phone or talking loud?? We really need to rethink this. Like you’ve said, everything has become so repetitive and impersonal. And so much time and money is being wasted.
Thank you for your letter, I could not agree more
We recently made our own backyard wedding and I definitely agree with you that it was much more intimate, unique and individualized and would highly recommend it to anyone making a simcha
The one place where I don’t see eye to eye with you is on cost and savings. The wedding actually cost somewhat more than a good old “takana” wedding
Although we only had 75 guests, the flowers don’t care how many people are enjoying them. Ditto for the musicians and photographers who need to charge their hourly rate regardless of how many guests are in attendance. And although we only needed 75 portions, the cost per person was considerably higher
Throw in a party planner as we were not able to pull it off ourselves and the cost came to somewhat more (not by a tremendous amount) than other weddings we have made in the past Also remember that we did not have the negotiating power of a group rate for the promise of a lot of work that the takana halls can deliver
So again, all in all it was beautiful and certainly under the circumstances, well worth it, but I did gain a greater sense of appreciation for the savings afforded by the packaged weddings
Everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Speaking to someone from OOT who made a Lakewood wedding who appreciated the industry standard, everything comes with the price of the hall. There was no need to run around and be a party planner. Reduced much wedding stress.
How about we cut back on gifts, diamond ring (only has value if you ever plan on selling it)
The takana wedding is there for whomever wants to choose it. The backyard wedding will become a premium wedding industry with many price points.
Not to even get into the expense of renovating your own home to be on display to the public. It has its own distress and expense. And if you rent an outdoor space, there you go, add on to the budget. Tent, flowers, runner, landscaping, pool features etc…
IMO its easier to contract it all out for the relatively more affordable prices of lkwd weddings.
Do what you are comfortable with and have some backbone.
My friend this will just create different type of competition maybe even more expensive. Do you know how much a backyard wedding with 50 people can cost? Party planning and all it can be a lot more
I think it’s time we all live and let live you do ur thing and I’ll do mine
How is it the halls are charging the same amount of money for less coulpes now anyway? Let us keep the costs down and stop keeping up with what used to be normal!
Right on the money
It is up to us to make this happen
If you have to go to a Simcha that is not in line with the new “normal” (or takanos) – day mazal Tov to the Baal simcha AND LEAVE
If enough of us do this, the message will be clear to all and people will fall in line feeling that they have the moral support of the Klal
“Let this be a (not “one”, as I hope many other good things will stay with us) good thing that comes out out of this debacle “. Right on…
I agree 100%!
Sure, everyone enjoys the intimate setting & siblings eating together etc etc. But, the Chosson & Kallah are entitled to dancing, it’s even a Mitzva: Ever tried dancing on grass ??
Come on.
i got marreid during corona in a back yard and we both hated it some of my family couldnt come, my grandparents with whom i grew up in there laps couldnt come to my wedding we didnt have a musician (when you dont have one you understand why you need one). none of my freinds could come, it felt like a mock wedding it didnt feel real. it might look cool and intimite to you but I’m telling you the cosson and kallah hated it and creid in the yichud room for not having real wedding everyone who came to my wedding (all 25 people) said its so nice and romantic but us the chosson and kallah feel jipped we were never celibrated by our freinds and family
there is a support group of corona coupels about 60 or so who all say they hate it (by the way 9 corona couples got devorced already because these weddings are so bad and its a hard time to get marreid).
I don’t want to minimize your pain Chas a Shalom and you must have felt very bad not having a wedding as Algren as your friends or what you expected. That said it’s not quite within reason to assume 9 couples got divorced because their weddings weren’t large or fancy enough. If that was even mentioned as part of the blame then the root issue is a serious one that needs to be addressed regardless.