New Minyan Mincha Announced on Route 9 in Lakewood

At approximately 2 PM each day, Route 9 in Lakewood becomes a zoo. With hundreds of yungerleit returning home or heading to playgroups to pick up their children, the road is swamped with cars as far as the eye can see. Township officials have proposed that, instead of fixing the issue, residents stuck on the 9 should begin davening mincha on the side of the road so as not to waste time while sitting in traffic. “Lakewood is all about efficiency and getting stuff done in a timely fashion. We feel that instead of complaining about the traffic, residents should say their prayers at that time”, said Lakewood Township official Bob Zimmer.

The proposal has been greeted with great enthusiasm by frustrated fathers all along the 9.

“It really is an incredible idea, and I can’t believe I didn’t think of it myself,” said Reuven Kliefeld, who used to live in Forest Park, but now usually has to sleep at the corner of the 9 and Central due to the traffic. “Instead of sitting in traffic and then finding a random minyan somewhere, we can all just line up along the lake like civilized people and daven without distractions. Aderaba, the beauty of the lake would bring my davening to a whole new bechina of kavana.”

According to organizers of the minyan, the billboards on Route 9 will turn into a virtual siddur for all to daven from. The siddur will reportedly have English transliteration as well – sponsored by ArtScroll.

Some lesser residents of the town have expressed concerns over leaving children unattended in cars as their fathers leave to daven.

Regarding this, TLS spoke to a prominent baal mussar from the Presidential Estates vicinity who slammed the worriers as “weak” and not possessing the slightest amount of Emunah.

“What, you think YOU’RE keeping your child safe? You think Hakadosh Baruch Hu doesn’t know how to keep your son safe? You’re an apikores and an oisvorf. Get out of my daled amos,” said the baal mussar to one such person who worried about his child’s safety.

(I am concerned about leaving children unattended in cars for a different, far more serious reason than their safety – unattended children can turn the radio on and mistakenly turn on a sports station and defiling their neshamos with talk of living, breathing avoda zaros, chas v’chalila. Due to this, we suggest removing your car radio and throwing it into the lake during the next mincha.)

A minyan mincha is expected to begin as soon as next week. The only obstacles left to tackle: 1) Where the mizrach vant is and who gets to sit there. 2) Several Coventry women who demand that an Ezras Nashim be included to accommodate those wanting to watch their husbands use their phones during davening.

“There are days when my husband will only speak to me when he’s by prayers. I’d like to be closer to him at those times,” said Becky (Rivka’le) Mudstein.

Once the above issues are resolved, the minyan is expected to grow by leaps and bounds. I look forward to seeing this wonderful idea come to fruition.

[Submitted: A Freilichin Purim!]


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There are 11 Comments to "New Minyan Mincha Announced on Route 9 in Lakewood"

  • Goose Gossage says:

    Goose Gossage endorses this idea

  • A yid says:

    I agree it is a good idea for those coming home from yeshiva, but what about if an emergency comes up – is the oilam going to keep the keys in the car so someone can move them if necessary?

    • Umm says:

      I hope you’re joking too bcz….did u not realize this is a Purim shpiel and a joke and supposed to make u LAUGH?! 😉

  • Kovner says:

    Will they be selling cholent?

  • Moish24/6 says:

    Name for tehilim??

  • Chaim says:


  • Uncommon sense says:

    My eyes are too bad to see the small writing on billboards. I’m lucky if I can see a large car driving out from a side road, or a person running across while I’m inching forward. I would like to see people post large prints on the windshield instead.

    I am embarrassed by the person silly enough to think radios belong in the lake. They can broadcast over the air (local transmission only heard on Rte 9) so that everyone can remain in their cars.

    Kudos to those who came up with the idea! Especially because the cars keep proper social distancing while allowing everyone to stay close.

  • Ed says:

    I assume this is a purim joke. This “Baal mussar” makes no sense. R”l. Go look at some of the writings of r avigdor miller zt”l and you’ll know why. You cant be irresponsible and blame the forthcoming tradegy on g-d. Thats tipshus. Theres a famous story where r”l someone died in a car crash, and all the “baalei mussar” were commenting what we can learn from it. By the Shiva, r avigdor z”l told the family that we need to learn from the niftar that we must wear seatbelts. (Thats the way I remember the story)
    And also, any one who remains anonymous when commenting publicly has a chezkas aino kosher.

  • ralph76 says:

    what about all the non jews stuck in traffic?..what should we do?

  • ralph76 says:

    Ok so what should the non jewish people do? What about the town workers and laborers?…this traffic is a joke.