A large number of local Rabbonim gathered for a historic event in Lakewood to openly address child safety and abuse prevention in our community.
Rabbi Binyamin Greesnpoon, who moderated the event, opened the evening describing how, when and where abuse is concurring in our community, and the tragic results that follow. He then read a powerful victim statement.
Rabbi Forchheimer and Rabbi Deutsch spoke about the devastating effect of abuse on victims and the need for Rabbonim to take action when abuse occurs. Rabbi Dr. Zev Brown addressed the importance of being vigilant and taking steps to prevent abuse from happening. Dr. Gavriel Fagin explained the process of getting an assessment and treatment for an offender.
Following the addresses, Duvie Kessner of Relief moderated a question and answer segment.
The event was arranged and backed by Lishmor, Nesivos, Chemed, LCSC, Relief and Magen Yeladim.
“We are hopeful it will IY”H be the beginning of more change and healing,” an organizer told TLS.
The events organizers say additional events are being planned.
these issues are discussed in the gemara on a practical level and were dealt with by Rabbonim since the time of the Nevi’im
I agree. But there are 2 points to be made
1) Not every Posek was a “yodei’ah b’tiv Uvdah Dein”. So there were too many cases of it being mishandled.
2) Based on todays society it is no longer sufficient to have things dealt with individually, everything is from michutz l’pnim now. That is the change happening that is “historic”.
The historic portion is around awareness and awareness campaigns. Yes, they are also dealing with how to handle, who specializes in this, where to send people, etc. However, a key piece of the current push is entirely around awareness. The super majority of all these cases are someone close to the molested child and not someone who would or does this outside of the circumstances they happened into. Fear is therefore a major factor. They would never do it if they had a fear of being caught. The awareness helps for that. They are working with the Rabbanim but also with the elementary schools, soon mesivtos too and working to create awareness with the kids, the parents, the teachers and the Rabbanim too. The hope is more than anything that this prevents as many instances as possible. I would bear in mind as well – that while this has bene dealt with ‘since the time of the Nevi’im’ there has likely never been anything like it is today. With the extreme exposure of everyone to the outside world with the internet and advertising and other media we are bombarded with and with the current extreme degradation of morality in the world… this is an issue exponentially worse than it has ever been in our history.
Hopefully the concensus of opinon was that the perpatrator’s family and feelings and kids and ‘life’ is not as important as righting the wrong done to the individual who was abused.
For too long the answer has been, sweep it under the rug with the following logic- The abusee was already damaged. The perpatrator’s life will be ruined if we go public with it, or proceed against them. Therefore to minimize chilul Hashem and damage to the perps family, we will encourage the perp to go to therapy and that’s it.
But anyone who has ever come in contact with such victims knows that not seeing justice done rightly ruins their lives, and often their faith in rabbis as well as teh community. Their future families are ruined. I know of one story with a victim who never received recognition, was swept under the rug and today is hanging out in bars on leil shabbos. After hearing this person’s story, I had no way of justifying the lack of communal recognition and endorsement. Private ‘therapy’ for the victim is not a full answer. Their perpatrator needs to be punished.
Your simplistic rant is dangerous to all of us. Calls of ‘just call the police’ ensure that molesters live to molest another day.
We need our own solution, we cannot rely on the police. Of course, when they are needed, we should use them. But they are insufficient and mostly incompetent. We cannot trust them or rely on them.
You are not correct.
First of all Have YOU ever come in contact with a victim?
Because I have. Many times. I’m married to one in fact.
And let me just say this, the amount of trauma inflicted by those “INSISTING ON MAKING A HUGE DEAL” was perhaps bigger than the trauma of YEARS of sustained abuse.
The sentiment of “punishing wrongdoers” comes from a good place. But its almost never another humans job to “PUNISH”.
Remove a threat, yes. Punish? That is very complicated.
Abuse Victim, I am so very sorry that happened to you. I hope you have found peace within yourself after such a horrifying thing and your abuser was properly dealt with. All the best to you.
The treatment is Jail!!
Many abusers are minors – older siblings that abusing younger siblings for example. Learn the topic a little better. Will you throw an 11 year old who abuses his (or her) 3 year old sibling into jail? Many abusers were molested themselves when they were younger. Maybe they need help. Yes, one hundred percent that a certain type of abuser needs a very forceful response (and I am also angry at those people too) but your unqualified post shows that you do not understand this topic at all because many abusers need help, not jail.
DL are you saying that the 11 year old who abuses their sibling should be allowed to remain in the same house? Agree that they need help, however they need to get that help somewhere AWAY from the victim.
No. They must never be allowed to stay in the house. That would be insane. The experts in this field need to figure out a way to help a young individual like that when that type of abuse is discovered. I asked if an 11 year old should also go to jail. The individual that made that unqualified comment (The treatment is Jail!!) does not understand this issue in its entirely because not all abusers are adults. An 11 year old needs help and must also be removed from any opportunity to abuse another child in the meanwhile.
My wife is a survivor of sexual abuse and I know other men that are also married to survivors. My wife was molested by an adult but a few of the abusers in the other cases were 15 years old or younger when they abused their younger sisters.
I don’t know how because I am not an expert, but there needs to be a way to help a minor who has been touching other children and at the same time protect other children.
Chayiv Meesa
if we would be what we could be than the children will see in us what they should see and that will help all of them and all of us too
To little to late. We really need to up the game as a community. We need to establish a precedent that will create a fear and consequence for Toava action.
Great,
so what did they say or do?
was it constructive or political?
any audio or video of it?
Abe
can we create a database or website where we can post who these monsters are so everyone could know
Mazel tov!!! ????????????????
time to set up what Rabbi Zev Cohen did in Chicago. Need a communal oversight system and beis din to deal with it effectively.
To @Abuse Victim and others demanding jail or worse for the perpetrators, it is important to recognize the damage that may be done to not only the perpetrator but to his children who bear no responsibility. You could ruin their lives, reputations, shidduchim etc. I fully understand your anger and need to see justice but just like the laws of shmiras haloshon one myst be careful about how other people may unfairly become unwitting victims.
TO BE CLEAR, it is vital that the victims be heard and Believed. The perpetrator, if an authority figure, should suffer consequences and be permanently ostracized so that the terrible behavior not be repeated. There have in fact been stories of these people simply moving from school to school, state to state, or country to country with nobody stepping up to report the known past infractions. Rabbonim and administrators should find a discreet way to rid our community of these low-lifes. It would be a great Kiddush Hashem if their innocent children weren’t harmed along the way.
Unfortunately, statistics show that a large proportion of abuse happens WITHIN families, making for a very complex situation requiring extra seichel and sensitivity. Still the victims must be heard and Believed, yet resolution or punishment should not destroy a whole family in the process.
As we believe, everything is from Hashem and when we have been given challenges it’s opportunity for growth. Therapy can help both the victim and the perpetrator. In some cases (especially familial) the abusers are truly remorseful, do teshuva, apologize and work hard to turn their lives around. They are no longer a danger to society. Likewise victims can do their personal work, as difficult as it is, so they can move on. I speak from experience. I WAS a ‘victim’ of repeated abuse. I am NOW a ‘survivor’ living life in peace.
In our Torah, we never find any consideration for the family members of a person who has committed a crime. The punishment never takes that into consideration. Yes, Hashem’s justice does. But that is not our issue, we need to do what we need to do. Hashem takes care of his world.
The reason to lock perpetrators in jail is to prevent them from the ability or will to re-offend and hurt other people. Not as a punishment, not some perverted form of ‘justice’ and not as ‘closure’ for victims. All of that is not our business. We merely need to protect future victims. מאי חזית? Why is his family more important than potential victims? Why should we take them into account more than the general public? I know the answer, human nature likes victims with faces, not a vague reference to ‘future victims’. But that is not logical or right.
I’m not taking sides here just want to say that TORAH IS HASHEMS JUSTICE so to say that you may lock someone up is only for Daas Torah to say (case by case)!!
The offender is the one who should be the one to think ahead about the damage their actions will do to their own family. Don’t put that responsibility on the victim. Offenders should not ever be allowed to walk freely in society. They are almost never able to rehabilitate. They will do it again to someone else. It is so shameful and offensive to see all the posts here saying that an offender does not deserve prison time.
Abuse thrives on secrecy. The only way to contain is exposure
If the Gemara talks about it does that mean everything is solved???!!!? The cases are very complex and take Gemara brains but are not spelled out how to proceed. Most victims never tel until much later and some times decades later. What did they come out with? Someone needs to point out that while everyone is worried of chilul Hashem , there’s also a major chilul hashem for the victim and something their family and their friends how rabbis can’t be trusted and they don’t understand, they are all molesters and their Emunah is often compromised when they’re left with shame after it’s swept under the rug and many lives are ruined.
I think it’s historic that TLS can write sexual abuse in a headline. It is what it is. Say it straight.
These are private matters that should be dealt with quietly on a case by case basis .
Each case is different
Some people belong locked up
And some people can turn around
Marc Levin it is well documented that sexual abusers will reoffend if given the opportunity. Very few, if any at all, can be rehabilitated. The solution is to remove them from society. It is also rare for an offender to only have one victim, also well documented. For every one victim you know about, there are 10 others you do not know about. Those are the facts. It seems that people here are more concerned about the reputation of the offender than the horrific nightmare the victim must live with. Shame on anyone who thinks this way.
Thank you! Finally!!
Certain proffessions are required by law to report abuse. Social workers for example can lose their license if they dont. Yes we should be vigilant but anyone who does abuse others should be reported to the authorities.
I’m saddened by the above survivors post. While I feel bad for the perps family, I don’t know why it’s any different from any other crime that causes the perpetrator to get jail time. He should have thought about it.
I can tell you first hand that I was molested 12 years ago by a pestegious rebbe with a large family in Lakewood. I got him on tape apologizing to me. The 2 rabonim that were involved were very sympathetic but did nothing. The guy is still a rebbe.
I lost faith in most everything and am numb to this hypocrisy. People that weren’t affected can never understan. I never wish it on anyone. It kills the neshomah..
I have a family and unfortunately don’t want them to find out. And in a strange way I’m still ashamed everytime I think of it, which is practically faily.
I’m glad that it’s finally being taken serious. I hope that it bears fruit because I can tell you all first hand that if I were to come out and say who did it to me. I WOULD NEVER BE BELEIVED.
“historic” has the wrong ring to it. It’s unfortunate that this is the reality we live in. It’s good to see action but I would lable the whole thing as historic.
it happens in schools. put your statistics aside. we need a plan NOW on how to deal with it in the school system. how do we take out tbe rebbe and menahel that covers for him.
The effects if being molested within a frum community are destructive to self worth. Victims may become promiscuous in an attempt to make things better. They are rejected by frum jobs if the victim is blamed. Innocence needs supportive acceptance rather than feeling the disgust and embarrassment of previous close friends and family. Hashem knows and is the only source of healing and strength. The abuser can be choshuv and even a person who stopped the molestation. Noone would believe the victim and they are told not to ruin their lives by going public. The pain lasts forever.